I stumbled across this title while browsing through random blogs today.
"Baby Bucket List"
The blog entry was a list of everything that the wife wanted her and her husband to do/experience together/accomplish before they have a baby.
Now, I'm all for a to-do list--I've been forming one myself!
After all, there's so much that needs to be planned out (especially in my case) and so much to do that organizing it is a must.
However, I totally object to and reject the idea of a "Baby Bucket List".
As I'm sure most people know, a Bucket List is a list of things you want to do before you die.
I have no problem with the Bucket List idea--it's a wonderful way to set life goals.
My problem comes with equating HAVING A BABY to DYING.
I cannot believe how many people seem to think that once you become a parent, your life is over!
I felt the same way when I realized how many people thought the same thing about marriage.
Just because you become a parent does NOT mean that all the experiences you hoped to have or to share with your spouse automatically go out the window!
Yes, your life changes drastically, but it doesn't END.
This woman's "baby bucket list" included things from home projects to church involvement to travel.
Now, I can understand wanting to get certain home projects done in preparation for the baby, but the other two blow my mind.
Why wouldn't you want your child to see you involved in the practice of your spiritual beliefs?
Yes, time is at a premium as a parent, but still!
And why wouldn't you want your child to travel and see the world?
To realize that America is far from the only place and the only culture in existence?
Granted, you'd have to wait a bit until the kiddo is old enough to travel, but that only gives you more time to save up those extra pennies and plan out the upcoming travels.
And yes, traveling with a child is a lot of extra work on your part, but think of the memories you would build together!
My husband and I LOVE to travel, and we definitely don't plan on stopping after we have a kid, or excluding the kiddo from our trips!
Besides, generally speaking, you can find some family member willing and able to take care of the little one in case you and your spouse want to take a trip alone.
I do understand wanting to accomplish certain things before having kids.
However, life doesn't end when a little one comes along--it gets even better/crazier/more hectic/more incredible.
And heck, if there are some things you want to do without the kid and you can't seem to make them happen while the kiddo is growing up, that's what retirement is for!
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Anyone who truly thinks their life is over when they have a child or get married should probably reconsider their decision to do so.
ReplyDeleteWith that said, there are many things I would advise my children to do differently than I did with regard to starting my family.
I was very young and had a son prior to marriage and completing college. Obviously, I didn't make life easier on myself with this choice. In any event, I completed my degree, got married, started out in an apartment, purchased a house, etc....
In a perfect world, obviously this isn't the "right" order. In any event, I wouldn't change a single thing about my choices because the children I have now would be different children (re: timing).
Yes, the bucket list has a bad connotation with it, however, (and as you mentioned) I don't think there is anything wrong with planning house projects, organization and other things to be completed prior to having children. Likewise, making certain career advancements prior to having a child also makes sense to me (the ability to put in those hours to move up without taking away from your children).
Likewise, wanting to take an adult, pre-child vacation also appeals to me. I think it's important to have that couple-only bonding time. Once the kids arrive, you really, really have to work to maintain that romantic relationship. It's also more difficult to find the time to slip away for a quick date. It doesn't mean it isn't possible, because it definitely is, however, having that pre-bonding time is definitely important.
I guess it all depends on how each individual looks at it. If their goals for their pre-baby accomplishments are set out to prepare the marriage and couple to be better and more attentive parents, that's great. If the goals are set out because they think life is over, things need to be reevaluated.
I completely agree that one-on-one bonding time is important, and that there are some things that it is easier to accomplish pre-kiddos. That said, I've also known many amazing people--like you!!!--who have managed to accomplish all of this after kiddos. My point was simply that having a kiddo does not mean that your life, or your goals and plans, has to stop in its tracks. :-D Thanks for the comment! I hope all is well with y'all!
ReplyDeleteI totally think that being lazy and irresponsible is something I enjoy too much right now for me to consider having kids. I barely manage having cats... ;)
ReplyDeleteBut now that you are going down that road, I get to come over and enjoy fun baby/kid stuff without all the responsibility! YAY!
Like I said last night: I am going to have way too much fun buying a bunch of baby/kid stuff.
I agree. I don't like associating baby and dying.
ReplyDeleteI have recently been inspired to create my own bucket list. I use http://www.kickyourbucketlist.com because it has a nice feel to it (no dying) and is FUN.