Saturday, November 13, 2010

I Am Not Happy Today

WARNING:  This is a vent.
I just need to get this out.
Thank you in advance for reading.

I Am Not Happy Today

I am not happy because it is a dreary rainy day, minus the rain.
I like rain.  I do not like dreary.
Today I am stuck with what I do not like, instead of having it mitigated by what I do enjoy.

I am not happy because I did not like my weigh-in weight this morning.
I have not really gained (the .4 lb increase I'm chalking up to water weight and a late Sonic dinner).
But I have not lost either.
I do not like making zero progress.

I am not happy today because I could not go help Bryan help Angie because one of her kiddos had a fever.
Being immunocompromised means if I'm around sick people I get sick.
When I am sick, I cannot have my infusion (the next one is this coming Thursday.)
Without my infusion, I get all achy and limpy and the disease gets happy while I do not.
I do not like being immunocompromised.
I do not like being unable to help.
I do not like having to avoid kiddos who are sick.

I am not happy today because I should have gone to water aerobics.
I did not because I was going to help Bryan help Angie.
See above.

I am not happy today because I would like to know for sure if Bryan has to go run and help someone else today.
I am not happy that noone knows as of yet if Bryan will be needed.
I do not mind Bryan being helpful--I am proud of him for being giving of his time and helpful.
I do not like not knowing if he is going to have to ditch me and come late to/leave early from my Dad's birthday party tonight to go be helpful.
I do not like uncertainty in plans.
Or potentially being ditched.

I am not happy today because I feel as though I should be being productive, and I have no inclination towards productivity at the moment.
I do not like the laundry in the hamper, washer and dryer.
I do not like the dishes in the sink.
I do not like the grime on my bathroom cabinets.
I do not want to fix these things.
I do not like the pull between "should" and "don't want to".

I am not happy today because I feel as though I should be achieving something with my life, and I am not.
I have not written more than the present 15 pages of my story.
I have not started to read Lost Christianities.
We have not found a church.
I have not cleaned out the future nursery.
I have not gotten all the donation stuff to good will.
I have never been an overachiever, but I do not like being a non-achiever.

I am not happy because the whole RA thing has become the norm in my life.
Everyone is super-supportive, which does make me happy.
Everyone also has to make allowances for all the things I can't do anymore.
That does not make me happy.

I am not happy today because all of these things seemed to decide to hit on one day.
They say, bad comes in three--my list is longer than three.
They say, when it rains, it pours.
But there is no rain.
And that makes me unhappy.

2 comments:

  1. here's hoping today was a better day :o)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It was! Thanks! I just needed to get all of that out lol.

    ReplyDelete

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