Thursday, July 15, 2010

Communication is Important OR My Husband is No Mind-Reader

I love my husband.  I could not ask for a more supportive, loving partner.  He is even thoughtful the majority of the time.  Having said all that, let me also say that, as anyone who knows my husband can attest, the man is not a mind-reader.  I learned long ago to not expect any kind of psychic abilities on his part.

Actually, since we went through our hard time back in college, that knowledge has always been something I have been proud to have earned.  It makes our relationship run much smoother, because (generally speaking) I make it a point to verbally TELL him what's on my mind--what I want, what's bothering me, etc.

However, even knowing this, from time to time I somehow find myself expecting him to simply KNOW what I want him to do, and (perhaps more importantly) WHY I want him to take a particular action.

Take last night, for example.  Bryan returned from his VA business trip last night, and was not home thirty minutes before he left again to go to his SOT monthly chapter meeting.  Since he actually holds a position in the club now beyond regular membership, he is supposed to make that meeting every month and he takes that commitment seriously.

Now, I love SOT.  It is a fantastic group and is comprised of some of my absolute favorite people.  I love getting to be a part of the SOT family and always look forward to riding with Bryan and hanging out with everyone.  I also I knew he was planning on going to the meeting when he got home--he told me about it last week.

BUT I kept hoping that, since his plane got in later than planned, he would not go to the meeting and spend time with me instead.  When he went ahead and went to the meeting, I was pretty upset.  OK, I'll say it--I was pissed off lol.
Now, my reaction was completely understandable to myself, and probably to any other woman out there, but there are a couple of important points to keep in mind:
 1) Bryan is a guy and thus his mind works on a different frequency about some things
2) I made the classic wife mistake--lack of communication.

In regards to the first point, Bryan's meeting was only a couple of hours long.  In his mind, this meant he had plenty of time to honor his commitment AND come home to spend time with me.

In regards to the second point, I did NOT express to Bryan that the night he gets home from a business trip--regardless of how long he's been gone--is very special to me and that I am NOT ok with him turning around and leaving again as soon as he gets home.  I just assumed he would know that, and you know what they say about assuming (ASS + U + ME).

Not to worry though--as soon as he got home from his meeting, we opened the lines of communication once again.  I acknowledged that he felt the meeting was a priority, but clarified my feelings and expectations when he gets home from a business trip.

He apologized for hurting my feelings, and promised to remember my feelings on the issue in the future.  We even reached a good compromise--if there's some place that he HAS to be, or even just really WANTS to be, on an evening when he gets home from a business trip, we will go together.

I love marriage!  As long as we (especially me!) remember to communicate openly with one another, there's really no issue or problem we can't work through together.  And even if we don't completely agree with one another, we can try to see each other's point of view and reach a compromise that leaves us happier and stronger than we were before!

We spent the rest of the evening cuddled up and enjoying being back together, and, let me tell you, it was a wonderful night!


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