What Teachers MAKE

Adjusting

I feel as if I'm standing at the beginning of the rest of my life.

I've been here several times before.

When I went off to college, it was thrilling to be on my own for the first time.  There was an unknown and unlimited amount of people to meet, things to do, paths in life to travel.

When I studied abroad in Spain, I regained my sense of self after quite an extended separation.  I fit into my skin once again.  There were still challenges ahead, I knew, but I felt as if I could overcome anything.  Once again, life was filled with possibilities and hopes.

When I married my husband, I married my best friend, my soul mate, and the love of my life all rolled into one incredibly handsome package (if I do say so myself ;-D).  Our life together has been and will continue to be an adventure.  I remember standing by his side as his wife, and thinking that together there was nothing we couldn't overcome, nowhere we couldn't go.  I still believe all of that--my being on disability has just put a few more challenges in our path for us to hop over.

Today is another such day.

It's not a grand occasion, as were the above.

It's simply a Tuesday.

But still I feel as if the future stretches on ahead.

This time, however, it's taking some work to view this feeling with my usual optimism and excitement.

Being declared disabled was a shock.

Living with that declaration has been a great deal harder than I had expected.

Though there were many things that I disliked about working in the field of education, I loved teaching.

I loved working with my kiddos, I loved teaching them Spanish, and I loved being able to give them advice when they came to me with problems.

I loved trying to teach them how to think.

I had a definite purpose.

Now, my purpose lies in keeping the house clean, planning meals, cooking dinner, etc.

I am a housewife.

According to my husband I am a very good housewife, so at least there's that.

Let me be clear--there's nothing wrong with being a housewife.

Last summer I was even somewhat enamored by the idea.

So I am quite surprised that I am not ecstatic to find myself able to take up said role with little financial imposition (at least for the next three years) to my husband and myself. 

It's because the choice was not mine--I hadn't finished fulfilling my purpose as a teacher.

I had imagined having years longer to work with my kids.

And now I'm a housewife.

Just like that.

What's the point of this ramble of a post?

I'm in a period of adjustment.

Though almost two months have passed since I was declared disabled, I'm still adjusting to the loss of my job--specifically the purpose I found in my work.

That said, there are some things to which look forward.

I'm planning on engaging in some volunteer work at some point--though with my condition, I would only be able to do so for a few hours a week.

I'm trying to develop new hobbies--but there are only so many fake plants one house can take.

I'm starting to really enjoy certain aspects of being home--for example, not hurting all the time.

Having the time and the energy to truly take care of the house and my husband is another plus.

Having time to maintain and build friendships sure is nice.

Not being sick all the time (except now, when I have a cough) is also nice.

So, I'm adjusting fairly well.  I think I might even be on the upswing of the whole process.

Looking back over my life, I've always been able, ultimately, to adjust and be happy wherever life takes me and whatever it throws at me.

Another couple of months, and I'll be fully happy in my new role.

And truly, I do love all the day-to-day business of being a housewife--it's just a matter of getting myself to be ok with having such a tremendous life-changing decision taken out of my hands.

Anyway, that is my ramble on my current state of mind.

Now, I'm going to finish watching Lost In Austen and then vacuum the downstairs.

The bathrooms might also get cleaned today.  We'll see!

So, What Have You Been Up To This Month?

I wrote this post back in September.  I've delayed in posting it because, as I posted previously, I was waiting for word on my status.  Fortunately for my peace of mind, I heard from my disability insurance company and they've approved my claim.  I didn't really want to post anything about being declared disabled until I knew the whole story--as in, whether or not my claim would be approved or denied.  Now I know the whole story, so now I can begin the process of adjusting my mindset to accept this curve ball that life has thrown.  And start figuring out what the heck I'm going to do to keep myself from going nuts while following my medical restrictions and not having my job to go to.

So anyway, here's what happened back at the beginning of the school year:

I hope everyone has had a wonderful month!  I've missed posting on here, but now that my hubby is home from his business trip--and my laptop with him!--I won't have to miss it any longer!

My last substantive post was all the way back on August 21st.  So much has happened since then, I'm not quite sure where to start.  Well, as a wise man once said, the best place to start is at the beginning.

August 23rd was Freshman First Day at my high school.  The powers that be decided a few years back that it would be an easier transition for the poor little fishies if there were no upper classmen present their first day of high school.  This year they also relocated the majority of the freshmen classes into one wing of the high school.  First Day went really well--the kiddos were able to find all of their classes without the entire student body (3500 students) present.  I really enjoyed meeting my freshman homeroom, even though I was very saddened to learn I had lost my homeroom from the past two years for this, their senior year.  After the initial homeroom meeting, we went through an abbreviated version of a full day schedule.

My freshman were all very quiet that first day--they weren't sure what to make of the crazy lady at the front of the room, sitting on her desk and trying to get them to talk to her lol.  I was delighted to discover that I had several of my homeroom kiddos in my regular Spanish I classes as well!

August 24th was the real first day of school with all the kiddos present.  We spent THREE HOURS in homeroom at the start, for all the necessary paperwork, and then went through the schedule.  Unlike the previous day, thankfully, the freshmen kiddos were talkative and seemed excited to be there.  The upperclassmen were actually the quite ones.

August 24th was also the day that Bryan left for his field test business trip.  The trip was 24 days long, so just about a month.  It was a very long month.

The rest of the first week went well, as far as the kids were concerned.  All of my classes were engaged and quite a bit of fun to work with, except 7th period.  Don't get me wrong, they were great kiddos!  It was just hat by the end of the day, they had apparently used up any energy that they once had.  Lol in my three years of teaching, this was the first 7th period that had less than 30 kiddos and was NOT going to be super-high energy at the end of the day!

The first week we focused on get-to-know-us games and classroom rules and procedures.  Week 2 we started learning actual Spanish!  The kids, even the ones suddenly thrust into my classes because of schedule changes, were all well-behaved and engaged.  It was an extremely pleasant week!

That Tuesday was also the first officer's meeting for the Anime Club, which I had agreed to sponsor!  Wednesday was the first general meeting, which I was very sad to have to miss--I had to give a training on the nee ELPS handbook from the state at our department meeting.  

All in all, even with the stress inherent to teaching, I was getting very excited about the school year!  I had put my fears from the summer in the back of my mind.  The Anime Club was shaping up to be a ton of fun, especially because I had my own anime/manga phase back in college and could share their enthusiasm!  A lot of my kiddos from last year had come to see me, and I went to a home volleyball game to cheer my 5 JV girls on.  I was getting to know my regular class kiddos and my homeroom kiddos--which ones would shine, which ones I'd have to prod, which ones would take some careful watching--and was starting to build solid teacher/student relationships with quite a few of them.  I hadn't had ONE STUDENT mouth off to me in two weeks!  Things seemed to be off to a great start!

But there was a slight problem.  OK, it wasn't so slight.

The first Monday of the teacher work week (August 16-20), I was limping--my ankle had started to flare.  I spent the rest of that week trying to ride out one of the worst flares I'd had in quite a while.  I couldn't even sit for more than 45 minutes without starting to really hurt.  I made it through til that Friday, when I went to my rheumatologist.  He prescribed me some prednisone to try to get the flare under control and we arranged for my return in September.

I spent that weekend off of my feet, trying to relax.  Normally, that helps.  Of course, normally my flares don't last a week either.

Monday (Freshman First Day) I was still limping.  That plus Paddington's constant presence led to questions from my kiddos, which I, of course, answered, explaining my condition.  The week went on, and there was no improvement.  With the amount of pain and swelling, I did not get to start a school-year water aerobics schedule as I had planned. 

Again, I tried staying off my feet for the weekend.  At this point, I was starting to get worried.  I had never had a flare last this long.  When Monday came, I was still limping and hurting.  Tuesday saw more of the same.  Having to teach lessons, monitor student activity, answer questions--all the normal teacher stuff--was excruciating, even though my kiddos were wonderful.  They were even wonderful on the Friday before Labor Day for their substitute when I returned to my rheumatologist.

I was very nervous going in to that doctor appointment.  I knew I was already on three DMARDS, plus my NSAID and other pills, so adding more medicines wasn't an option.  I had no idea what our next step could possibly be.  Turns out I was right to be nervous.  My doctor's decision was:

Disability.

I know better than to argue with Dr. C, but I still tried to negotiate.  I asked about teaching until the semester, and was told no, that would only make things worse.  I asked about teaching the next week and was told, both by look and word, no, I needed to call for a sub and go in on Tuesday and talk with my principal. 

I was floored.

Dr. C's nurse filled out the paperwork while I took a minute to compose myself.  And by that I mean I cried like a baby for a minute or three.  Disability at 25?  And permanent disability at that?!?  I felt (and still feel) like a stranded fish.

Dr. C answered my questions as much as he could--I had to get the other answers from my principal, HR, and the disability insurance company.

That weekend was Victoria's bachelorette party.  I had to spend most of the weekend sitting down, even when we went out.  Vic had a great time, but I felt guilty that her Matron of Honor had to sit out quite a bit.  I also used those three days to try to mentally come to grips with my Dr.'s decision before my upcoming meeting with my principal.

On Tuesday, I went in and spoke with my principal, his secretary, and my department head.  They were all extraordinarily supportive and understanding, even though they hated to see me leave.  Fortunately for my peace of mind, a substitute that had filled in for me last year--whom I knew to be a good teacher and to know her stuff in regards to Spanish--was available to take my place.  I at least know I left my kiddos in good hands.

I tendered my resignation effective that day.  I have finished the paperwork process of applying for my disability insurance, and now I'm just waiting to hear about my approval status.

I miss my school, my classroom so much, and miss teaching my kiddos more than I could have imagined.  I miss being a part of my school family.  I feel unfocused, and more than a bit lost.  I know part of that is the shock--I never dreamed I would be declared disabled at 25.  And it happened so quickly, without any control over the decision on my part.

I'm still not doing that great RA-wise.  I can't sit for too long, can't stand for too long.  As far as walking goes, the limp is getting a bit better, but it's still markedly there--and if I'm on my feet to long, it's just as bad as it was.  Even driving for too long is difficult--part of the reason I flew to Ft. Worth this weekend for Victoria's last bridal shower.  I have to be very careful with my house work--observing my weight limitations (especially with the laundry), not vacuuming, timing tasks so that I am not up for too long, and can sit down as needed.  It makes for very slow progress when I'm trying to clean the house.

I hope that things will get better.  I'd like to be able to start water aerobics again, but I have to wait until Dr. C clears me.  I think my return to gardening will take an even longer wait.  For now, I'm trying to eat healthy meals so that the disease-forced inactivity and the stress don't cause my weight to balloon.  I have two bridesmaid's dresses to fit into in less than a month after all!

I'm reading a lot, watching TV and movies.  I've started to write again--brainstorming stories and coming up with beginnings and characters mostly.  I can't write for too long for the same reason I can't do anything else for extended periods of time.  I'm hoping to type up what I have, but I'm on the computer in short bursts only--too much time makes my wrist and elbow start aching fiercely.  This post has taken several bursts to write.

That said, this is my outlet and a very necessary one at that.

I know that there are positives to this decision--hopefully, being on disability will slow the disease progression and reduce stress-induced flares.  This is of critical necessity--in only four years, I've already lost one joint (my right elbow), my right wrist is collapsing, and my right ankle is bad.
Hopefully, with a slow down in progression, I'll hurt less.
Hopefully, I won't get sick as much this year, being away from the germs of the high school.  Hopefully, a slow down will also mean that I'll still be able to be a good mom when Bryan and I have a kiddo of our own.
Hopefully a slow down will mean that, sooner or later, we can HAVE a kiddo of our own.

There's a lot of hope there.  I'm trying to keep my mental focus on that, instead of the shock and fear that being on disability has brought.  And it's even starting to help!  Eventually, I'll wrap my mind around the whole idea of disability, adjust my outlook to a more positive one, and life will be wonderful yet again--after all, that's how I dealt with being diagnosed at 21, and with every other obstacle this disease has thrown at me.

And the best thing that happened this last month?  Bryan came home last Friday :-D.  He finds more positive aspects to me being home--the laundry done!  dinner cooked!  house cleaned!  Lol.  And me (eventually) not hurting or being sick.  He helps me to see the positive in this situation, and he's been so wonderfully supportive and encouraging about the whole situation, even while he was gone.  But having him here so I can actually hug him is the best. :-)

School Has Started!

I am so glad it is Saturday!  

Last week, we teachers returned to the orange halls of our high school to prepare for the new year.  Some of this preparation--specifically the staff development meetings-- felt like a waste of time, as it always does.  The rest--preparing the room, working with the other teachers--that part was fun.  As I always do, I find that I have missed interacting with people on a regular basis over the summer.  I'm really proud of the way my room looks too!

I will still miss the summer, especially the part about only having two flares.  My ankle has been flared, meaning I've been limping all over the place, since Monday, and the kids haven't even come back yet!  Oh well.  Though, as I mentioned in my last Not Me! Monday post, it is hard leaving the summer's flare and sickness-free existence and returning to a place where I am guaranteed to experience both.  I am still struggling with the fears I mentioned in that post too.

That said, there are things I am looking forward to this year--sponsoring the anime club, meeting my new kiddos, and working with the Spanish I planning team (our new teachers are awesome!  And one is an AGGIE!!! WHOOP!), to name a few.  Seeing my old students is high on the list too--three of my volleyball girls came to see me yesterday and it made my week!  So all in all, I am starting to feel the slow increase of excitement that comes at the beginning of every school year.

It's funny, the longer I'm in education, the more I disagree with the current trends, or at least the mentality driving the current trends.  Primarily, the insistence on entertaining the students.

Of course, "entertaining" is not the term used--the term is now "engage".  I am all for student engagement, but I draw the line at regular arts and crafts projects at the high school level, to the exclusion of lecture.  I also do not agree that teachers need to constantly use technology in their classrooms to "engage" their students.  Students have to be held accountable for engaging themselves in their education as well.  They need to learn how to apply themselves to the task at hand, even if that task is without technological and visual bells and whistles.  After all, both in college and on the job, nobody will be as desperately concerned with keeping them entertained as K-12 teachers are expected to be today.

I also get tired of hearing the "new" proposals to "fix" or "remake" the current educational system.  With few exceptions, these ideas are NOT new--and those few are not truly feasible at the national level.  If I learned anything while pursuing my Masters of Education in Curriculum and Instruction, I learned that education is cyclical--the conceptual core of "new" ideas have fueled such "innovations" before, and yet we keep coming back around to the traditional model.

And I really wish folks would stop using the comparative argument for reform--that is that the American education system is horrible in comparison to other nations.  I would like to point out that we are the only nation that INSISTS on educating ALL of its children at the same level.  In Europe, there is a tracking test that is taken around 12--if you pass, you are on the college track, if not you go on the trade school track.  Other nations only educate the children of families who can pay for it, and even if they do offer education to their entire populace, they sure as heck aren't tracking drop-outs and punishing the schools they've left, nor are they tracking down truants and dragging them back to school.

In other words, are students are compared with the cream of the crop of other nations--so OF COURSE we come off looking bad. 

Anyway, enough of that.

On the RA front, we're continuing to try to put off surgery with cortisone shots--which are working, kind of.  I also have to continue wearing my brace on my right wrist, and continue with my 5lb weight limit on my right arm.  At my one month follow-up with Dr. G, he also did a physical examination of my left wrist and pronounced it "not a normal wrist".  Imagine my joy.  So, I am now subject to a 10lb weight limit on my left arm, and can no longer vacuum--at least not until we get a MUCH lighter weight one.  Dr. G gave us several brands to check out.

Because my ankle is already flaring, Dr. C put me on prednisone (5 mg/day as needed) and I'm going back to see him in September.

Other than all that, life is really going wonderfully.  I was able to get one room redecorated and Victoria's shower came together splendidly.  

Bryan leaves for his field test this coming Tuesday--I'm going to miss him a ton for the three weeks and three days he'll be gone BUT I will also have plenty to keep my busy!  School and water aerobics will keep my weeks hopping, and as for the weekends, well--next weekend I pick up one of my bridesmaid dresses and go get it fitted and go to Bryanne-Michelle's shower.  The weekend after that is Victoria's bachelorette party, and the weekend after THAT I am going to an Astros game with my mom and day for Hero's Night.  And the next weekend, Bryan will be home!  

Lol, but even THAT weekend I'm busy--I'm flying up to Ft. Worth for Victoria's shower up there.  And then both weddings are right around the corner, as are Thanksgiving and Christmas!  This fall is going to fly by! 

Now, to go back to enjoying the first Saturday of my school year!

Crazy Busy Week

Hello all!

I promise, I have not forgotten about this blog.  I miss posting!

That said, this is the "get everything ready" week for teachers--which means I am back at work and CRAZY busy this week.

So, there will probably be very few posts this week, other than this short one. 

BUT I promise I do have a few GREAT ones for the weekend/next week once things are a bit less chaotic.

Yes, for me it gets less chaotic when the kiddos come (not to be confused with stressful--next week will be MORE STRESSFUL, just less chaotic).

Anyway, for a hint about upcoming posts, they have to do with

1) Home decor

2) Bridal Shower

3) Health update craziness

and I'm sure

4) Stories about my first week with my new group of kiddos

I hope everyone else is having a good (and calm!) week!

Sex Ed

When I was in high school, seeing a pregnant girl walking around the halls was shocking.  People would avoid making eye contact with her, and there would definitely be whispers.  That reaction makes sense to me--a pregnant teenager SHOULD be a shocking anomaly. 

At the high school I teach at now, it is completely normal to see pregnant students in the hall way.  Last year, I saw a student who must have been seven or eight months along making her way to class.  Another time, I went to the nurse's office to get clinic passes and got to listen to three girls--all under seventeen--compare and contrast their OBGYNs.  One of the girls was also talking about how excited she was that her little boy was going to have a sibling. 

That's right, she was pregnant with her second.  At sixteen.

Babies having babies.  For some reason, it has become socially acceptable.  Hell, look at The Secret Life of the American Teenager!  Supposedly, that show was going to emphasize the hardships of being a teenage parent.  I've seen several episodes, and the hardships are glossed over, accepting friends and peers emphasized, and parents are always on hand to help out (even though they repeatedly tell the teenager that its "her baby and her responsibility").  In other words, it glorifies being a teenage parent. 

It makes my stomach turn.   

As a teacher, I find myself in the awkward position of overhearing students talking about their sex lives.  Sometimes, one of my girls will come to me with some sort of problem or for advice.  In that one-on-one situation, I tell them exactly what I think:

1) Y'all are too young to be having sex.  You don't know who you are OR who you will become, and these boys have no clue who they are.  If you don't know that, you shouldn't be having sex.

AND

2) If you are going to make that decision, be smart and make the boy wear a condom.  If he cares about YOU and not just about the sex, he'll put one on.  Condoms prevent babies AND diseases.

Now, that #2 could get me in trouble if I was actually telling it to groups of students.  You see, I am an employee of a public school district and, due to state funding attached to sex education policies, the official stance is that abstinence is all the kids need to be taught.  Which, obviously, is working wonders for teen pregnancy and STD statistics (note the sarcasm).  

However, when one of my girls comes to me one-on-one and asks me for advice, I am honest with them.  They've trusted me, and I will not betray that with some stupid platitude.  

I hear the objections now:  But it's the parents' jobs to educate them on such matters! 

Hey, I couldn't agree more!  And if the parents of my students were actually INVOLVED and BEING PARENTS, I would agree.  However, at my school, the majority of the time that is not the case--parents are either absent, disengaged or too busy trying to be their kids' friends.

I just hope that for the ones with whom I've had "the conversation", something stuck.  If they decide to wait to have sex, or at least decide to make the boy wear a condom, then I've done some good. 

Once a student is pregnant, I can't advise much.  I can be a sympathetic ear, or a reality check in response to whining.  Because I am a teacher, and thus an authority figure, the only tangible advice I can give on what the student should do about the pregnancy is that she needs to tell her parents AND the school counselor.  The counselor can help the student tell her parents and help them discuss options.  Thank God the counselors at my high school are amazing!

Maybe some day, the legislators in Austin will realize that high schools (and junior highs too!) need a viable sex education program that actually addresses the realities of today's teenagers.  Of course, expecting that is similar to expecting their legislation to actually respect the realities of the classroom--it's a waste of time and energy.  And I am not some crusader, to charge the Capitol and demand change--we need my paycheck too much for the next few years.

So, I will continue to advise those few students who come to me, and hope it makes a difference. 

Bring on the Dog Days of Summer!

Whew!  Today was my last day of school with the kiddos!  We have half a work day tomorrow for close out--but I learned my lesson last year!  As a first year teacher, I waited until the close out day to do everything except turn in grades.  This meant turning in books, cleaning my room, getting all the necessary signatures on all the paperwork, etc. all had to be done in a few hours.  It was very stressful, and since my meds were starting to stop working (follow that one?  lol) it also meant a lot of hobbling around at high rates of speed.  But not this year!

This year I started cleaning my room on the first day of finals--this past Tuesday.  I went through all of my student projects, selected the few I want to keep as examples and wall art for next year, and threw the rest away.  Unfortunately, this included one project where the student had used her mother's only copies of family pictures--EVEN THOUGH I TOLD THEM NOT TO!!!  She had asked me to hold it until Tuesday, so I did.  I waited after school and she didn't come, so I threw it away.  It wasn't until Wednesday that  she told me those pictures were the only copies.  I feel really bad, but at the same time she didn't TELL me that nor did she ask me to hold on to it longer.  Anyway, needless to say her mom was less than pleased, and I had to send a long email explaining the situation.  If only kids would FOLLOW DIRECTIONS then shit like this wouldn't happen!  Oh well.  I also graded all of 7th period's finals and got their grades entered and squared away.

Wednesday I cleaned off my desk and lab console, throwing quite a bit away and filing the rest of the important stuff.  I also got some of my half-used workbooks to a Spanish III teacher, who can use the last half to review Spanish II for the beginning of next year.  I graded 2nd period's finals and got their grades entered and squared away, and then spent my 2 hour 6th period conference (the other final that day was 6th) to go around and get almost all of my signatures!  This meant turning in my textbooks (I think I found the two missing ones!), turning in my DATE folder (I don't participate in DATE--yes, I could make some extra money.  no, it's not enough to make it worth it, AND I disagree with the politics and the mentality behind the program), turning in my clinic folder, and signing my last attendance verification (I got to sign mine first because I came in right as it came off the printer!).  I also completed my key audit, submitted my final and its key to my department head, had the designated AP sign off that I have no incompletes, and the money lady and the librarian sign off that I was all clear!  Then I went home lol.

Today, I managed to get all of my finals graded, entered and all of my grades squared away.  I hit the verify button a full hour and a half before grades were due!  I also stored everything I want to keep for next year--projects, knickknacks, and teacher supplies.  I put the rest of the projects from the first period floating class and the rest of my used workbooks in the hall to be carted off, and locked up all of my file cabinets, my desk, and, with another teacher's help, my language lab console (it's been two years and I STILL don't have the key to that thing!).  I also put tape labels with "Rm 447" on all mobile, non-student desk pieces of furniture--I want my stuff back after all!

Everything but the computer is unplugged, so all I need to do tomorrow is tear that down, and then get my department head to sign off on my room!  Oh, and verify my grades, get the registrar's signature, send out my Homeroom's report cards, and turn in my sign out sheet!  Then, I will be well and truly done with the school year!  I'll hop in the car and head to Ft. Worth to see my Victoria!

Wow, I can't believe this is the end of my second year of teaching!  It's been a rough one, with all the health issues and stresses that came along.  But I will, once again, really miss my kiddos.  They are the only reasons this job is even remotely worth it.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy actually teaching Spanish too, but the public school system is just plain f*** in the head.  Or it would be, if it had a head lol. 

Teaching itself and working with the kids is challenging, but enjoyable.  It's all the stress and extra crap that comes with it.  I've been told I'm an excellent teacher, but this year I've come to realize that I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.  I think that, if it weren't for the health issues, I would be more willing to stick with teaching.  But add the stress of teaching to the pain and fatigue from my RA, and the increased number of infections caused by my medications (combined with working in a school lol), and I just do NOT think I can manage this career for decades as some of my coworkers have.  Luckily, the hubby and I have a plan!

In a few more years Bryan and I will add a little one to our family, and I will become a stay at home mom (SAHM)!  But the end of this school year has reminded me that I will miss working with the kids, and being a teacher.  I won't miss all the unrelated demands that are put on teachers today, but I will miss teaching, helping kids learn, and being there to offer a shoulder, a hug, or advice when its needed.  Of course, I'll have my own little one to raise and teach, comfort and advise.  And put in his/her place when he/she needs it too!  I think I will also miss having a job outside the home, but I'm pretty sure a part-time job will scratch that itch ;-) lol.

So, to the point!  I have finished--and, more importantly, survived!--my second year of teaching.  I have learned much, both about my profession and myself.  And now, I can't WAIT to be a SAHWife for a couple of months and enjoy the HELL out of my summer vacation!

Teaching Today

This is my 100th post!

And this pretty much sums up both the world of education AND the mentality of an overwhelming number of today's parents:

I thank God on a daily basis for my students who take responsibility for their education.  I also thank God for the seemingly all too few parents who still hold their children accountable for their part in their education AND still hold THEMSELVES accountable and responsible for actually BEING parents to their children, instead of friends and (mentally) fellow teenagers.  God help us all if their numbers don't grow, and soon.

Flounder--Not Just a Fish

I've grown up around floundering my whole life.  For those of you who are not familiar with this term, floundering is a method of fishing involving a long pole with a spear on the end, a lantern, (hopefully) low tide, and late late nights.  The fisherman basically walks around flat areas of ocean or bay where the water is anywhere from ankle to knee deep, dragging his feet in the sand and shining his lantern in an arch in front of him.  When he sees the distinctive shape of a flounder, he positions himself, readies his gig, and stabs the fish right behind the eyes.  This process can be fairly short, or it can go for hours in the pitch black.

I have long since decided that the term floundering refers to the actions of the fisherman, rather than to the fish that is his goal.

While it's been years since I've actually gone on a floundering expedition, I feel a similar sensation in my work life right now--stumbling around looking for something that I'll recognize when I see it with only a bit of light to work by.  Embellishing descriptions aside, I am not happy with my job right now.

There are many reasons for this:  the stress, disrespectful students who have no concept of respect,  accountability or responsibility, the broken nature of the system itself, to name a few.  I'm sure there will be future posts about all of these.  Facing my current unhappiness and the reasons mentioned, I have started to consider considering other options, but I truly have no idea where to start.  I either look at jobs for which I am unqualified, or I look at jobs that seem superficially perfect but wind up being far more stressful than even teaching.  I keep hoping that when I see what I want to do, I'll just know it and take steps to make it happen.  But nothing seems to be popping up--thus the floundering.

It is a frustrating, demoralizing, and stressful situation which also has no immediate remedy.  And lately, I've been letting it get the better of me.

So, in an attempt to counteract the effects of this situation, as well as to remind myself of my personal goals and our bigger goals as a family (which, after all,  are the reasons I am working in the first place), I have decided to make a list of 5 goals to focus on:

• Get back on track with my workout routine
• Lose another 5-10 lbs
• Start cooking dinner more often
• Make extra payments on my loans each month to get them paid off sooner
• Get a house cleaning schedule back in place

Also, here's a list of the reasons why teaching doesn't absolutely suck.  Sometimes, I need the reminder:

• The good kids--those who want to learn, who work hard, who are smart and respectful and a joy to be around
• Sharing knowledge with the younger generation
• Job security
• Vacations

That's all I've got for the moment.  If it hadn't been the day that it was, I probably could come up with more.  On that note, having actually stated my goals that I need to be focusing on AND reminded myself of the pros of my job, I'm going to bed.

I hope tomorrow is a better school day, and I hope summer hurries up and gets here.  Most of all though, I hope this exercise helps lessen my feeling of floundering.

Bad Bad Blogger

Wow, I can't believe it's already March 22nd!  Shame on me!  In my defense, I did spend the week and a half after my last post working and trying to get over the second bout with bronchitis.  And THEN we were off to Costa Rica!!!  Which was an AMAZING trip, and you can read all about it on my newest travel blog.

So what's new?  Not a whole lot.  I weighed in at 160.5 lbs AFTER vacation, which was superexciting for me!  I finished my three new books (two while on vacation and one the day we got back)--The Heir to Sevenwaters, Hood, and White Witch Black Curse.  

The Heir to Sevenwaters was a very well-written book and stayed true to the entire series in its reworking of Celtic mythology into a enteraining and engaging read.  White Witch Black Curse continued the Rachel Morgan series and I have to say I am glad to see the series regaining its stride.  I felt it had stumbled a bit during the book before last, but this book restored my interest and now I can't wait for the current hardback to come out in paperback!

Hood  was incredible!  I had never before been interested in reading a Lawhead book, but I am a sucker for the reworking of old tales and legends.  Seeing that this was the first book in a reworking of the Robin Hood legend, I couldn't help but pick it up.  I am so glad I did!  It really gives depth to the characters, and I especially like the growth of Bran (Robin Hood) that we see from the beginning to the end of the book.  I also really enjoyed the take on Friar Tuck and Marian--and how Lawhead has really put thought into the location of his Robin Hood legend--early Wales.  All told, I can't wait to pick up the next book, and the one after that!

Other than that, we did host a cocktail party for Mark and Alicia in celebration of their upcoming nuptuals next month!  The party was at 6pm the day after the day after we got back from Costa Rica, so I spent Friday cleaning the house and during the day on Saturday getting everything set up!  I was really glad I had bought all the dishes and such ahead of time--that only left the food (of which there was JUST enough!  hooray!) and the drinks.  The party got started a bit later by the time everyone showed up, but we had a heck of a time and it was so much fun to meet everyone!  For the first party we've hosted at our house, I think it went swimmingly!

What else?  Oh, I'm daydreaming of jobs other than teaching.  Lol, not surprised huh?  Really I think I'm just worndown, and maybe at some point over the remaining 11 weeks til summer I'll get some sort of second wind.  But honestly, I'm feeling a bit burnt out, even after Spring Break.  It's not the kids or my school--its the job itself.  The constant chatter in the back of my head questioning and planning for the next day's lessons, the feeling like a babysitter for a good many of my teenaged students, and the fact that most of my classes have between 29 and 32 students is really starting to irk me.  That all said, I'll probably sit tight for another 3 years or so, until Bryan and I have a baby.  Then I'll take a few years off and THEN I might look at implementing one or two of my part-time/work from home employment plans.  We'll see :-).  But for now, I've just got to hang in there...which is honestly really hard right now.  That said, I'm sure tomorrow will be easier.

Now I'm going to go get ready to go to my first water aerobics class in 3 weeks.  I'm super achy, so I'll have to be careful (and I wish I hadn't eaten so much yogurt when I got home from school!).  Until next time!

***EDIT***   Due to achy joints and an especially stiff neck (and a desire to play with pictures and my new travel blog) I am not going to water aerobics tonite.  I will go do an hour of cardio tomorrow though.  Time to get back on the horse!

Celebrating a Quater of a Century

It's strange to think I've actually been alive a quater of a century, as of yesterday!  That's how my husband put it anyway lol.  That particular phrase made me think of how much I've already seen in my life.  Then I tried to project that over another two quarters, to age 75---and it blew my mind.  The only sure thing is that it will be an interesting ride, and that EVERYTHING will change lol. 

I had an awesome birthday though!  The kids at school all behaved fairly well, and three of my girls brought me presents.  One brought me a plush dog AND a card, one brought me dried seaweed (because we had talked about making sushi at one point), and one MADE me a card (she's an incredible artisit!).  It really was wonderful to know that I have touched their lives in such a positive way that they brought me birthday presents.  Then I came home and my amazing husband gave me his gift--the new Final Fantasy for the Wii!!!!  I know what I'll be doing this weekend ;-) lol.  Bryan then took me to Saltgrass for a wonderful dinner.  I tried out their "Texas Two Step" drink, and consequently crashed out on the couch when we got home...at 8 o'clock.  At least I got a good night's rest!  And Bryan has also coordinated a group birthday dinner tomorrow night with some sort of fun shinanigans afterwards!  He really is just about the best man a girl could want.  Mom and Dad are going to come take us out for lunch tomorrow for my birthday, so that will be fun as well!

Today, several people wished me belated birthdays, and one student gave me a squished chocolate donut (which I suspect was originally for herself, but hey, it was a very sweet gesture) and another gave me a pack of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (which I shared with Bryan...hey!  I'm trying to eat healthy stuff remember? lol).  As much as I sometimes complain and worry about my kids, there really are some good ones in this year's bunch.  After work, I wanted to rush home and play my video game, but right as I was getting packed up, one of my students from last year swung by.  He did not pass last year, and actually ended up at the Summit (alternative school) for the better part of this year, due to his addiction to pot and the fact that he got caught in possession of said drug on campus.  He needed some help with his Spanish work, so I walked him through answering questions in complete sentences---and boy was it wonderful to see the light go on!  Even more wonderfu than that, he told me he's clean and has been so for eight months.  He's finally getting his life together, and focusing on school.  I am so proud of him, and SO glad to hear that.  Kids don't always make that decision, and it's good to see one of them choose the right path.

Anyway, as I said, I WANTED to go home and play my video game, BUT I was a good girl and went to the gym instead.  I even got an impressed/encouraging nod from the trainer that gave me my first session.  After that, I came home, showered, and Bryan and I went to get sushi!  I also talked to Vic for a bit about wedding stuff. Now here I am, ready to enjoy the weekend!  And I'm going to start by spending some time with my hubby and pups.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!  

A Whole New Year

I sure can't believe it's already 2010...and that I'm turning 25 next week!  And that in a little under 4 months, Bryan and I will have been married TWO YEARS!  That's just crazy!

What's also crazy is the amount of time it's been since I blogged! Well, I've decided to reformat my blog both in design and function.  In the process, though I'm not a very computer-savvy chica, I've even learned to code HTML, so I'm superproud of myself for that!  This part--the "Home" page--will be for life updates and general thoughts, rants and the like.  I'll continue tagging them as they apply to my other categories (which I've cleaned up, but I'm going to actually start sorting my posts.  Me organzing--shocking, I know!  But anyway, just to get caught up---

Here's the cliffnotes version of the last few months.  Bryan and I have finished furnishing the downstairs, even if the walls are still blank lol.  The Rooms-To-Go folks have lost us as customers due to the runaround about fixing our reclining loveseat.  By the time they agreed to replace it, it was discontinued.  But I LOVE my couch, and Bryan (though inclined to grumbling) was able to splice the problematic powercord, so we're keeping it!  Other than that, summer flew by, and then school came barreling in, as did Bryan's annual trip.  He was gone for almost a whole month this time, which sucked, BUT we were able to by a Harley Davidson Road King with the overtime!!!  It's so comfy to ride!  We took a ride with a couple-friend out to Shiner, Texas to see the brewery and that was a blast.

School's going well--lots of great kids and a few nuts and punks, but so far its been a great year.  Well, except for the kid who almost hit me, the one who brought a gun to school, and the parent who told me I was an "unfair teacher" who "kept her daughter from succeeding in my class" when the daughter had an 86.  Silly parents, thinking their home definitions of success determine my classroom procedures regarding retakes.  Sigh.  And two fellow teachers have left--one on to bigger and better, and one burnt herself out.

On the personal life side, the I started Remicade (a new biologic) in September, and after much tweaking, we've finally found a dose that seems to be working!  We rang in the New Year with Alicia and Bouncer, and went on a fantastic motorcycle ride to Shiner, TX with Ethan and Julie so the first part of this year has already been amazing!  As for the rest of this year, Bryan and I have planned a Spring Break trip to Costa Rica with Amber and Hunter, but most importantly my two best friends, Victoria and Bryanne-Michelle are both getting married this coming fall!  I'm the Matron of Honor in Vic's and a bridesmaid in Bryanne-Michelle's so its going to be a busy, incredibly fun year with all the planning for that!  And of course Mark and Alicia are getting married this Spring (Bryan's Best Man)...what a fantastic year for weddings!!!  For Christmas, Mom and Dad and little brother and one of his friends all came to our house Christmas Eve for Christmas morning.  It was so much fun!  Mom even called it the "new tradition" which is exciting.  Other than that, I've also joined a gym, and started regularly working out, and have realized I am INCREDIBLY out of shape, which is not surprising seeing as I haven't had a consistent workout routine that includes weight training in 7 years.  But I've really enjoyed the start I've made, and can't wait for my first water aerobics class this Monday!

So, in short, life is wonderful.  I'm really hoping that this year I will update this regularly, because I have found that I miss having this outlet.  Also, I hope I use this year to get myself in shape, and I'm hoping this blog will help to serve as a record/accountability measure.  Anyway, time to go figure out dinner with my wonderful husband!  Til next time.

Dog Days of Summer

This phrase has always been interesting to me. It refers to the hottest and most humid days of the year. I'm sure in some other parts of the world this phrase refers to a short period during the summer months. Then, there's Houston. Born and raised here, I can tell you the dog days of summer can stretch from late May to late August. They says everything's bigger in Texas (it's true!) so I guess that can translate to everything's longer too---yay summertime! Lol.

Of course, I always interpreted this phrase a bit differently. While we were growing up, my parents would always look at our dogs and say "Oh, to be a dog for a day!" meaning of course that dogs have everything provided for them and get to sleep in the cool AC or the warm sun and play to their hearts' content. So to me, the dog days of summer referred to those days during the summer where nothing was required of me. I could lay in bed, on the couch, the floor, or in the fort outside. Read a book, or watch TV, or go on a bike ride. When I was thirsty I grabbed a drink; when hungry a snack (almost always an apple).

Now, though I refuse to surrender entirely, I am a legal adult. The food, the water, the electricity to keep the house cool and run the TV and refrigerator...that all costs money. Money that my husband and I work to earn, and which sometimes it seems that there's just enough to keep everything going. The "real world" as my friends and I call it is far from relaxing at times, and you're responsible for your own issues, provisions, etc. So, it looks like the dog days of summer ended at some point.

Or did they? I prefer to think that they morphed. I'm a teacher, so I don't have to work at the school this summer. I still have to go to professional development, and of course, I'm taking back up the roll of full-time housewife, so there is definitely still work...just not teaching! I still get my paycheck (the district I work for spreads the salary out over a 12-month period), which is a very good thing lol. So, there's still responsibilities...but within those, I still exercise when I want, watch TV, play video games, read, eat, and even sleep! when I choose.

So, my new definition of "dog days of summer": they're more like the vacation days of a well-trained hunting or herding dog. The dog knows how to work and still fulfills its duties...but during the summer it can do it on its own schedule...creating a rewarding and earned freedom instead of an expected one. I like these days best.

Anyway, I was just thinking.

Kids Today: Whining

Wow, it sure has been a long while since my last post. I guess that's just what happens when life gets super busy! Anyway, due to several observations and conversations I've had at school within the past couple of weeks, I finally have a subject worth posting about.

***Let me preface this post by saying that I am not talking about ALL parents of high school students (my aunts, for example, are great parents). Nor am I talking about ALL high school students (I have some students that are absolutely wonderful). I'm just exploring a disturbing trend I'm seeing in my students and what I think might be the cause. Also, no, I am not yet a parent, BUT there are some parenting issues that seem pretty commonsense to me. Anyways, here we go!***

I truly think something went a bit wrong with the generation of parents that came after my parents--those whose children are now high school age. I've been noticing extremely disturbing behavior patterns in the teenagers I teach. Two in particular were extremely aggravating today: whining, and talking back. In this post, I'm going to talk about the whining incident. I'll deal with the talking back in a separate post.

I hate whining...HATE it. The high nasal pitch, the facial expressions, all of it. They grate against my nerves. But what bothers me more is what is IMPLIED by the whining. Whining to someone says one of two things: either "I'm too tired to control my voice when I'm having a bad day" OR "my problem is now your problem and I expect you to fix it". The first is only acceptable in children ages 5 and below, and occasionally for the rest of us. The second puts the winer in the enviable position of having no responsibility for the events or responsibilities in their lives that they do not like NOR for doing something about said events or responsibilities.

Let's look at today's prime whining example. We'll call the student, Student W1 (for Whiner #1). Well, we started our last project of the year in class yesterday. It is a foldable, on which the students must write down the grammar notes I give them. That's right, I'm making a freaking copying exercise into a major grade. Why? So that they WILL copy down all the info they need for the final, AND to help their averages. Well, Student W1 spent most of yesterday talking with her neighbor, so she did not finish. I've made it clear that each day's notes must be finished by the end of THAT class to get full credit. Failure to do so results in a 50, unless the notes are completed the following day, at which point the grade is a 75. Today, at the beginning of class, I reminded Student W1 that she needed to finish. And what do you think happened?

That's right, she didn't. She ended up staying after class (which I graciously allowed AND wrote her a pass) and WHINED the WHOLE TIME about how she did not have enough time, and how she's a slow writer, and how she can't see the board well (by the way, she forgot her glasses AND refused to move closer--instead she was copying off another student's already finished notes). This student has been a talker most of the year, and like the times before this, here is what she was saying: "I can't believe you expected ME to FINISH. I had more important things to do than YOUR assignment." Then, when I take her to task, the whining starts, which says, "I can't believe you're taking ME to task. I shouldn't have to be accountable! I didn't like the assignment and didn't do it and don't want the consequences, so YOU should give ME more time/the grade anyway and stop insisting I be responsible."

Needless to say, I am out of patience with Student W1, and let her know that I was done listening to her whining, that she had two WHOLE CLASSES to finish when everyone else easily finished in ONE, and that if she didn't get her crap together, she would continue to fail. Keep in mind, Student W1 is just today's example. Granted, she's one of my worst whiners, but there are plenty of others ranging from only an occasional whine to almost daily.

So, why did I talk about the parental side first off in this post? Because I think that, if we are looking for the reason WHY these kids are whiners and WHY they see no problem with whining, we can find that reason at home. Let's start with the mentality behind the whine.

The parents of many of my kids don't seem to see the need to hold there children accountable for their educational success or lack thereof. If a student is failing, well, the subject is too hard, or the teacher just "doesn't like" their kids. The fact that a student does not turn in assignments, take notes, study at home, and bombs every quiz and test they take is never mentioned. Because, of COURSE, their wonderful child would NEVER fail at anything he/she attempts...it CAN'T be their fault...something else must be to blame (ie, the teacher, the material, some sort of disorder, etc.) These parents are raising a generation of individuals who take no personal responsibilities for mistakes and shortcomings, but instead look around for someone or something to blame. And that's just plain scary. And admittedly it's worse than whining. But let's look at the parent's roll in NOT raising a whiner.

When I was young, and I would indulge in the occasional whine, my mother would calmly look at me and say, "I can't understand you. You're whining" and then turn around and get on with whatever she was doing. I got the message quick, fast, and in a hurry that if I wanted to have a conversation with my mother, I had better cut the whining and address whatever the issue was in a normal and calm tone of voice. The amazing thing? I've tried this technique with some of my infrequent whiners, and it's worked wonders!!!

But apparently parents today don't do this. Nor do they apparently simply tell their child to stop whining. I can only infer through what my students seem to expect, that when they whine, their parents capitulate to their wants so as to stop the whining. After all, why would they be whining to me (at the age of FIFTEEN no less!) if it did not work at home? This parental procedure leads to kids who think whining is acceptable, and also gives the "go ahead!" to the mentality behind the whining. Not to mention, the parents don't use the whining as an opportunity to teach their children to control their behavior even when frustrated or upset.

Anyway, to bring this post to an end, I guess I'm just frustrated with most of the parents of the generation I am teaching. Whining is only the first behavior I'm addressing--I'll write about the talking back, the throwing fits (FITS!!! at FIFTEEN!!!), and the ever-ready excuses later. But my observation of my kids this year has led me to a disturbing conclusion---apparently, when the time comes to teach their children important behavioral lessons, many parents are checking out. They're either too busy, or too busy trying to be the "friend", and the lessons don't get taught. And that has led, and is leading to, a whole generation who knows jackshit about personal accountability, proper interpersonal interactions, and how to interact with those placed in a position of authority over them. Ladies and gents, that paints a pretty frightening picture of the type of societal members these kids are becoming.

***Once again, I would like to point out I am talking about SOME of my students. I do have a select few who are hard-working, respectful, and demonstrate daily that they have a deep sense of personal accountability and discipline. It's just frightening to me that, out of the almost 150 kids I see everyday in my classroom, these good ones are by far the minority.***

I Love Green Tea!

Wow, my last post was kind of vehement, wasn't it? Lol. To clarify, it was inspired by comments made directed at a friend of mine which (wisely) went unanswered. Granted, I'm sure most of us have had similar situations and felt all those feelings. I just felt, in the wake of said incident, like fleshing them out a bit. So anyway...moving on!

Interesting happening at school today: and by interesting I mean slightly scary and saddening. One of my 4th period kids was yanked out of class by an AP. A friend of his, also in 4th, knew what was going on. I offered to listen, she mimed firing a gun. Grrrrreat.

So, I'm thinking there's a possibility that he had a gun in my class (which would have surprised the heck out of me...he's not a BAD kid...and he has tons of friends in 4th period lol). During lunch I head to the AP's office and knock on the door. A ISD officer answers. There was another officer in the room, plus the AP and my student. The AP came out when he saw me. I questioned about a weapon and he looked like he thought I was going to have a panic attack over the idea of a gun (those of you who know me know why this was amusing). Turns out, there was an accusation--proven false--but due to an incident yesterday (which I'll get to in a minute) they were worried about the student's safety.

So the incident: Yesterday a car (driven by another of my students from 7th) circled an apartment complex twice (once with music, once without). The passenger then proceeded to pull a gun, point it out the window, and fire (supposedly) 5 shots into a crowd of people (including one of my other students from 7th). I don't know if my 4th period kid was in the car or in the crowd...I'm hoping in the crowd, for obvious reasons. Neither of my 7th kids were in class today--the driver b/c he was pulled out earlier in the day, and the other because she started losing it today (hmm...wonder why? couldn't POSSIBLY be because she was shot at from a car driven by a classmate :-P). So yay my students. Sigh.

Now I know what they meant when they said that teaching could be disheartening. I'm disheartened because my students were involved...and I'm disheartened that a large part of me simply thinks "dumbasses...damn stupid decisions". That said, the two potentially involved were two of my characters in class...always smiling, always energetic (if unfocused and off-task), always entertaining. I hope they haven't just screwed up their lives. Again, sigh.

On to the title of today's post--I came home to relax with a cup or three of nice green tea. I steep my tea bag (pomegranate green tea even!) in hot water, dunk it several times to ensure a darker tea, then add a teaspoon of lemon juice and a teaspoon of honey. Yum! And very nice and soothing after a day of teaching. And there's my NCIS back-to-back-to-back shows on USAHD (yay pretty new TV!!!). Hubby is working on the bookcases with his new toys in the garage/man cave. He got started this weekend while I worked in my garden (and we planted an orange tree in the back yard!). I'll help with the staining and painting once the shelves get to that point, but for now, I'm kicking back! I'll start dinner soon, perhaps read a bit and spend a pleasant evening relaxing. Tomorrow's going to be super busy and stressful--I forgot to put my quiz in the copy room before I left today...I'll just have to get there super early tomorrow and put it in...and hope it's done by 2nd period. Plus there's the projects to grade, the quizzes to grade, etc. Sigh.

OK, not thinking about tomorrow anymore! Just about the nice evening ahead.

Feeling Domestic

And pleasantly so. Which is something, when I was younger, I never thought I'd say! Lol. I was never one for cooking/cleaning/etc. In other words, the practical sides of keeping a house in working order. But now that hubby and I have our own home (ps I LOVE our house), I'm finding that I really do enjoy keeping it nice. Apartments were fun, but they were literally "playing house"--houses take so much more work!

Anyway, today, after a relatively easy but unfulfilling day at school (details later), I came home and got the HELL out of my work clothes. Then I puttered around the kitchen, doing the dishes, making tea for my throat (again details in a bit), and generally cleaning up. Next, I got some laundry going and drank my tea while reading my book. Then I fixed another cup of tea and turned on NCIS while I'm waiting for my towel load to dry, and my darks/jeans to finish washing.

As far as the school day went, I reviewed the activity in the workbook the kids did yesterday while the substitute was there. Then we did a listening exercise. And all that took approximately 20 minutes lol. My voice was still completely shot today (until the amazing TEA!) so after we got through those activities I gave them a free day. Oh! But the one super-awesome and pretty damn fulfilling part happened during 7th period. They were ANGELS! I told them that if they screwed up their "trial week" of group seating this time, they would be in rows for the rest of the school year! They still chatted a bit, but came back to order when necessary. They were actually better than some of my other classes! It was a definite first! Now, we'll see how long it will last lol.

In health news, I have my voice back!!! Well, mostly. My throat's still really sore, and when I talk my voice rasps and fades at unpredictable intervals, but I'm hoping by tomorrow morning it will be good enough to let me actually TEACH the new vocabulary unit to my students! After that, it's up to them to learn it.
Speaking of, I found an AMAZING quote online today:

"Responsibility for learning belongs to the student, regardless of age." ~Robert Martin

Couldn't be more true. I do my best to provide information and motivation, but when it comes down to it, it's up to the student to study the material, practice, and LEARN. It's really too damn bad that so much of society puts the failure of the student on the teacher's shoulders. That's not to say that a shitty teacher can't screw up a students' learning progress OR the students' love for a subject. But when a teacher does everything he or she can think of--teaching, reteaching, breaking down concepts to their most basic units, trying different approaches to the subject, offering tutoring, etc--and the student STILL does not learn...then it's a lack of effort on the student's part, not on the teacher's. Getting parents involved definitely helps, but once you get kids at the high school age there's only so much a parent can do with a teenager determined to get in their own way. Anyway, I'm done with that rant lol.

On a more somber note, we have a guest this week. Not that that's somber--it's really good to see her and spend time with her--but the reason for her visit is sad. One of her dearest friends--her brother in everything but blood--died this past week in a horrendous car wreck. She's crashing with us during the funeral arrangements and occasions. I'm hoping staying with us, instead of with some of the other deeply affected, gives her a place to take a break from the overwhelming crush of sadness...but I know that that sadness is inside of her as well as coming from people around her. Hopefully here, she won't have as many external reminders, though there's nothing we can do to ease the internal pain other than being there for her. Her dad might come stay with us this weekend too--same reason--so it will be good to see him, even though (again) the circumstances suck.

So anyway, why am I sitting here typing a book? lol Well the hubby is at the archery range with a coworker, and I WAS waiting on laundry. Our friend isn't back yet, so it's just me and the pups, who are sleeping. Anyway, now that the laundry's done and we're in between episodes of NCIS, I'm gonna go be domestic some more, before relaxing some more! And that's about all that I'm thinking at the moment.

Being Sick is No Fun

Mostly because today I burned a sick day I wanted to save up:-(. I've got some sort of sinus/head/upper respiratory thing going, and it took away my voice. I went to work yesterday, wanting to prepare for my PDAS, and it made everything so much worse that today I stayed home, rescheduled my PDAS, and missed a professional development meeting. That said, I did clean the house up a bit...more straightening than anything, except in the kitchen. And I'm completing my defensive driving crap for the ticket I got in December. Still waiting on my driving record, but once that and this certificate comes in, I'll run them to the the courthouse and get this whole thing taken care of THIS month, instead of March when it's technically due. Which is a good thing. Other than that, today I have put a new MySpace layout up (it's a bit busier than I'd normally like, but it's made up of amazing tropical beach pictures, so hey), actually tagged some people to a note a wrote on Facebook (until my silly computer stopped letting the tagging function work), read a couple of online stories, and even read the book I'm reading (Fortune's Fool by Mercedes Lackey...a really enjoyable read). The hubby is stopping by Wal-Mart on his way home, and then we're going out to eat with a couple-friends for the first time since they've been engaged, so that should be fun!

Other than that, my PDAS is now NEXT Tuesday, and I think I shall teach a grammar lesson...always a few more options for lesson formatting than with vocabulary lessons (at least for me). Here's hoping my voice comes back waay before then. I am going back to work tomorrow---as I already mentioned, I really hate burning sick days. As of right now, I have 4 left, one of which will be a week from Friday for a rheumatologist appointment (yay MRI day...:-P). So really, 3 left. 1 will go to another appointment in April, and one to the Monday after Spring Break (Rodeo is that Sunday night...I'm not gonna want to get up the next morning lol). So really I have 1 sick day to get me through this semester (thought the rodeo one is flexible if it needs to be). I'll either save that sick day for next year, or burn it sometime in early May (if I don't get sick).

Anyway, I've enjoyed this brief ramble. It's hard for me not being able to talk all day. That said, I did have a wonderful conversation with the lady at the vet clinic who is working on a teaching certificate now. And the random salesman who came to the door...but that was a bit more awkward...he was very determined with his spin, but went away soon enough since I was sick, and my dogs were trying to get past me lol. So I'm gonna go get presentable for dinner tonight. And that's just what I was thinking. :-)

Train of Thought...choo choo

Life is good. My students are lazy. My husband is sick, but took really good care of my while I was sick and had a baaad RA flare. Puppies are getting used to the house, which means they are increasingly pains in the ass. My PDAS observation with my principal is next Tuesday and I am nervous as crap...but strangely excited too. I found out I'd have to teach til I'm 58 to get my full TRS retirement potential. Yay :-P. I'm really looking forward to Feb. 20th, March 15th-23rd, April somethingth, another day as yet to be determined, Memorial Day, and June 5th. All of those but the last are days I have off...and the last is the last day with students! woohoo! Anyway, dinner was great (hubby made it...yumm) and I'm buzzing on a Shiner Celebrator. Laters!

Just Me and the Dogs

The hubby is actually in DC this week...I'm so excited for him about this trip! That said, I'm gonna really miss him...he won't be back til the 22nd. Til then it's just me and the pups. And he's going to be gone over my holiday weekend too! Grrr. Again, really excited for him...just wish I could go too lol. Except it's going to be in the teens temperature-wise and that's too damn cold for this Texas girl.

Anyway, on to life. We signed on the house on the 30th, and as of this last weekend, we are completely moved in! It's starting to feel more like our home every day. We've still got lots of boxes to go through and unpack. I'll be getting quite a bit of that done over my holiday weekend. I thought about heading up to Waco to see a friend...but I really don't feel up to the drive. Remember that whole RA thing? Yeah, due to one thing and another, I haven't taken my shots in about a month. So I'm achy and flared up, and long drives aren't my favorite thing in this condition.

Anyway, I am going to get my hair cut on Friday...don't know quite what I'll do differently, if anything. This is starting to be a tradition--last time the hubby went on a work trip, I colored my hair, this time I'm cutting it lol. The stylist is also one of my good friends AND I have her last hair appointment, so we'll probably go do something after. Saturday, another friend is supposed to be coming into town...I haven't heard anything since last weekend though, so I'm not really sure what the plan is there. Honestly, I'm looking forward to a chill weekend...the past few have been crazy busy with house stuff and moving. I'd be looking forward to it more if the hubby was going to be here to share it with me, but oh well. I guess one can't always have everything lol.

As for school, the kids are taking their semester exams this week. Yes, I know what you're thinking. "Didn't the semester already end?" Yes, yes it did. But because the state of Texas mandates a late August start date, the "Fall semester" and the "Spring semester" are unequal in regards to number of weeks. So, we had one week after the break for "review" and this one for testing. Which is foolish. My kids are apathetic right now, and the break has not helped their retention. In short, having the exams now is a great way to even up the semesters from a bureaucratic standpoint and a crappy one from a student-oriented standpoint. As I've been told several times since I've started teaching: Welcome to the world of public education.

Anyways, I love our new home. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that (if all goes according to our loosely configured plan) we're going to be here for the next 30+ years. Don't get me wrong, it sounds WONDERFUL! I've just never been anywhere that long. And for the past several years it's been a move a year, if not a move every less-than-one-year. It's wonderful to look far into the future and see my husband and I together in our home. Of course, our home will be anywhere we're together. But I sure do like the one we're setting up at this house!!! And so do the pups...they run up and down the stairs, wrestle in the gameroom and living room, and love the backyard.

So that's a life update.

As far as introspection and contemplation--the original purpose for this blog--I've done a bit lately. School and house stuff has occupied the majority of my mind, but there's still been deeper processes going on. One of the particular trains of thought had to do with the people we are during everyday life versus the people we are in the crucible. A certain conversation with a friend brought up a time I've mentioned previously, when my world was upside down and inside out all at once. I started thinking about the person I was in all that mess, and the person I am now in my day-to-day life.

The person I was then: There were very few constants in my life at that point in terms of routine and (I felt--wrongly or rightly--at the time) relationships. All I had that was constant was my conviction about a certain belief, and my knowledge of the kind of person I did NOT want to be (coming both from personal belief and from observation of the actions of a particular person). During the beginning, I was extremely fragile emotionally and everything in my head was all jumbled, but these things shone through. I started following those beacons, and my actions were guided by them.

The person I am now: There is a lot more consistency in my life: relationship-wise and routine-wise. I am stronger emotionally and mentally, and in terms of self-knowledge and identity. That said, it is easier now to lose my beacons among all the other, lesser lights that are in my life right now.

It's interesting how when everything is falling apart , it's easy to pick out the critical elements in your life to focus on and let the rest all fade into a dark haze. And it's interesting how good things and positive additions to your life accumulate can cast a glow that can cause the critical elements to seem to blend in with the rest of the light. But thanks to that turbulent time, I am fully aware of the risk of the "glow effect" and can make sure that my beacons get the attention and focus they deserve.

That said, the light analogy is fitting: my life has never been brighter or happier!

Anyways, I was just thinking.

Only Half a Day to Go!

And then it's Christmas Break! That's right: two whole weeks without my kids! I'm so HAPPY! Not that I don't love (most of) my students, but they have been as itchy and hyper as monkeys on sugar! They're more than ready for an extended break, and I can't say I disagree! Of course, I am a bit sad...I'm losing some really good kids to families moving, home schooling, and school transfers/dropping out. That's tough. I hope their lives end up being fulfilling and happy, whichever path they have to walk.

But still, I can't believe I've been a teacher for a full semester! It's gone by so quickly! Before I know it, it will be summer, and I'll have taught a full academic year! Of course, I need to buckle down and get my alternative certification paperwork done so that I'll get certified on time...but there's still plenty of time for that.

All in all, I'm really looking forward to the break. Tonight we're going to dinner with some friends, and then I'll only have the kids til 11:30 tomorrow. Since today was the final long day, we had Christmas parties...so tomorrow we basically do nothing but finishing watching A Christmas Story. Then, the faculty has a Chili cookoff/mandatory meeting. THEN I get to see my best friend!!! Hubby and I are gonna take her to see the HOUSE! and then we're gonna spend the evening hanging out. THEN Saturday morning, its up early for a long drive for a family Christmas, then back the next day for dinner with some other friends. Next week, we're going through some key HOUSE! closing procedures plus Christmas! I'm thinking that maybe the second week of the break will be more of a true break than the first lol.

I can't wait to close on our house though...for it to truly and officially be ours (and the bank's lol).