Bringing Her Home

Bryan went by the vet today and collected Haley's ashes, which we'll bury out back on a less rainy day.  I hadn't cried in a few days, but bringing her remains home sure did it.  Since I wasn't there with her when she passed, part of me was still half looking for her as we go about our day.  Seeing her cremation certificate and having the box she's in come home helps reinforce the reality of her passing.  That's a good thing, even if it hurts like hell.

I think Caylee has realized that Haley isn't coming home--she's talking about her more, but calling for her less.  She'll say "Haley bit you, but Haley's sorry."  And I'll follow it up with "Yes, Haley's sorry.  She loves you, but had to go bye bye."  It's still a punch in the gut, but at least it shows that she's processing Haley's absence.  Annabelle's doing better as well.  She's not looking for Haley anymore, and is slowly becoming less clingy, though she still refuses to be left downstairs if the rest of us are up.  Bryan and I are adjusting too, slowly.  It's been 8 days since we had to make the call to put her down, and, though we still miss our big dog like crazy, every day gets a bit better.

We love you Haley.  Good dog.  RIP.

RIP Haley, We'll Always Love and Miss You

Ok.  I've been debating posting about this, but it's the only way I can think of to let everyone know, without having to rehash it by telling everyone individually.  None of us are really up to talking about this a whole lot at the moment, but I would rather people know so that we can heal without reopening wounds every time we have to tell it again.

We made the extremely difficult and heartbreaking decision to put Haley down yesterday.  She had been an amazing dog for 7 years, but in the last month and a half something in her changed.  She attacked and almost killed a family member's dog without warning or provocation back in September.  On Monday evening, she and Caylee were playing just fine, and then Haley followed me into the kitchen.  Caylee followed right behind her, and touched her on the back (not a slap or a grab--literally just put her hand on her), and Haley spun around and went after Caylee.  She knocked her down and bit her face and didn't stop until I yelled and grabbed her, which fortunately was pretty quick since I was standing right there.

Caylee is fine.  We took her to an urgent care clinic and they superglued the deeper puncture.  Everything else is healing up fine, and she shouldn't have much of a scar.  It could have been so much worse, and we are grateful it wasn't.

I wish Haley had growled or given me some sign so I could have stopped her, but there was no warning.  While Haley had been a bit unpredictable around new dogs, and would respond in kind to aggressive dogs, she never exhibited unprovoked dog aggression until September, and had never exhibited any sort of human aggression until Monday.  She had growled at Caylee once or twice in the past, and snapped a couple of time when Caylee hurt her accidentally--both normal dog communications that Caylee had done a good job of learning to respect--but she never gave any sign that she would actually hurt Caylee, especially without any provocation.  She was always patient with her, and would go behind the couch or to the bedroom if she didn't want to play.

With this incident following so closely on the heels of her attacking our cousin's dog, we knew that we couldn't keep Haley.  Though it was very tempting to rationalize doing so, Caylee's safety, especially in her own home, takes priority.  Besides, any plan we could come up with for keeping her would have inherently decreased Haley's quality of life in our home.  We tried to get her into a non-kill shelter or rescue group to rehome her, but because of the incident with my cousin's dog, and especially because she attacked a child, no one would take her.  We talked to friends and family, but no one was in a position to take her.  We talked about putting her up online, but couldn't bear the thought of her ending up in a bad home, or as fight dog bait, or possibly attacking someone else's child, or grandchild.  We talked about training as an option--the problem is there was no observable trigger either time.  It wasn't a pattern of aggression, but instead moments where Haley just unpredictably snapped.  I really think something was starting to go wrong in her head.  So, we made the best decision we could among all the bad ones, and chose to have her put to sleep at our vet's office, which she always enjoyed going to, with her boy by her side.

I spent the morning beforehand loving on her and giving her treats and ice bones.  Haley was on her best behavior, knowing she had done something wrong, but she was her happy, normal, cuddly self.  She was my big cuddle bug velcro dog, so I cuddled her a lot.  I brought Caylee downstairs to hug her and say goodbye, so that Haley would know that Caylee was ok and not mad at her and so that the bite wouldn't be her last memory of Haley (for however long her memories of Haley last).  Caylee wasn't afraid at all, and Haley nuzzled her.  Bryan took her, and was with her the whole time.  He got to love on her for a good hour before the procedure itself, and said she wasn't ever scared, just the normal vet office slight nervousness, and that it was very peaceful.

We are pretty torn up right now, and Annabelle is pretty sad and confused, but time will help.  Soon we'll be able to look back at our time with Haley, and it will bring comfort and not sadness and regret.  I miss my dog, and am heartbroken, but she attacked my child--Caylee comes first, period.  Anyway, if you're still reading, feel free to stop here.  As I've said, it's not something we really want to discuss or talk about much.  That said, for my own processing, I'm going to make a list of all the things I'll miss about Haley, and my favorite memories.  Feel free to read them, or not.

I will miss her jumping into bed in the mornings, after Bryan went to work, and cuddling.
I'll miss how soft her fur was, especially her ears.
I will miss the adorable way she perked her ears forward when we said one of her words (even words like bro-co-li), for all the world looking like the 6 month old pup we first brought home.
I'll miss how high she could spring into the air, and the looks on people's faces when they saw her jump for the first time.
I will miss how she would lay on the stair landing while we were upstairs with the baby, or when one of us was upstairs and the other was down, just so she could keep an eye on all of us.
I'll miss the way she would let me know when the baby way up from her nap, even before the monitor picked it up, by coming to get me or by sitting on the stairs and staring at me.  I'll miss how her she would jiggle her legs while sitting on the stairs.
I will miss her low bark when she wanted to go outside and we weren't moving quickly enough, and her loud bark when she heard something in the yard at night.
I'll miss how she would always lay on the bed or outside the bathroom door while I was showering, just to make sure she knew where I was.
I will miss the way she loved to go on walks, and it will always haunt me a little bit just how excited she was to go on leash and go to Bryan's truck, and ride away shotgun style.
I'll miss the way she greeted us at the door, and how she would tell us when it was time to go to bed.  I will miss the way she would come back out and lay on the couch beside me when I couldn't sleep and decided to stay up and binge watch TV.
I'll miss the way she would go to sleep behind the chair in our room, only to get up after we were all in bed and kick Annabelle off the pillows on the floor at the foot of our bed and curl up.
I will miss watching her run with Annabelle in the back yard, doing laps.
I'll miss the way her head popped up in the backdoor window when she wanted to come inside.
I'll miss they way they wrestled and played together, and the way they would hunt lizards in tandem.  I will miss the way they would always go to "their" bowls--there's only one bowl now.
I'll miss the way she took her time to eat, then drink, then go outside.
I will miss the way she was always underfoot in the kitchen, and the way she would curl up in my lap, or lean against my legs.
I'll miss watching Caylee hug her and watching them play.
I will miss hearing her "sing" with Annabelle when Caylee cries/screams, and I'll miss hearing Caylee say Haley's name as she slowly fades from her day-to-day life and memory.

I'll never forget how she loped up to Bryan when we first went to see her, and how she sprawled in his lap.  She jumped in his truck without hesitation, sat in my lap in the front seat, and didn't look back.  She wore the collar she had on that day every day, and would get very affronted if you took it off of her.
I will never forget when she caught the sparrow in midair, and was so proud of herself--and was so confused as to why I was crying.  I'll never forget when she came back to camp at the ranch holding a deer leg, looking as if she'd just done the best thing in the world by raiding a deer dump.
I'll never forget her wading into cacti to get at the turkey buttermilk that Bryan had dumped there.
I will never forget how beautiful and strong she looked when pointing at birds.
I'll never forget how she mostly clipped her own nails by biting them off.
I will never forget how she loved her walks, how she played with Penny, and Dixie, and Tiberius and Abby.
I'll never forget the way she loved her jingle tire ball, and how confused she was about playing fetch outside instead of inside.
I will never forget her running full speed down the length of our first married apartment and the entry hall in our home, and not being able to stop.  She would skitter and slam into the door, get up and shake and jump around, and then do it again.
I'll never forget her nervous tick when we first moved into our house--she would stand next to a wall and tap it with her foot.  We had Haley footprints under our dining room window until we repainted.
I will never forget coming back into the house, after forgetting something on the way out the door, only to find Haley standing on the dining room table, trying to see out the window to see where we had gone.  And I'll never forget her and Annabelle howling together when we would go on a walk without them--we could hear them clear around the block.
I'll never forget how, after I swatted her with a wooden spoon one time, she found the spoon in the sink and shredded it--and had a vendetta agains wooden spoons forever more.
I will never forget her stealing most of my carefully-made crab cakes--off of the island, without moving the plate an inch.
I'll never forget her doing her tricks for cookies.
I'll never forget the way she would flip her head upside down to look at me, instead of just turning around, especially when I had stopped petting her without her permission.  Her ears would flop back and then she would head butt my hand until pettings resumed.
I will also never forget the times when I was reading a book instead of paying attention to her, and she would insert her head under my book and throw her nose upwards--sending my book flying across the room--and then lean into my legs and put her head in my lap.
I will never forget her cuddling me when I was on bed rest, and how she would rest her head on my pregnant belly, or the way she and Annabelle would supervise feedings and diaper changes when Caylee was tiny.

Rest in peace, sweet Haley dog.  Putting you down is easily the hardest decision we've ever had to make.  I don't know why you snapped and attacked Caylee, and I don't understand, but you were incredibly loved and are and will be sorely missed.  Good dog.  

ActemRA Update

SUCCESS!!!  Sort of lol.

Actemra is working, for the most part, and I'm doing better than I've been since before going off of everything to start trying to get pregnant, and I've even been able to start a moderate, very low-impact workout regimen here at home.  I'm not doing as well as I did when first on Remicade, but I'm also not on my max dosage.  And that is the part of all this that has been a success.

On the "sort of" side of things, my liver enzymes are being stupid.  By that I mean they keep going up.  They aren't at "oh-my-god-stop-everything" levels yet, but it's definitely something that is concerning enough that Dr. C is continuing blood work monitoring every 4 weeks.  Additionally, he has decided to keep me at my current Actemra dose until/unless my numbers come back down.  Or, at the very least, stop going up.  The other "sort of" is that I am still on methotrexate, and Dr. C is not overly optimistic about me ever being able to stop taking that little brat of a drug.

All that said, I'm still feeling cautiously optimistic about Actemra.  I'm doing my part to try to get those pesky liver enzymes to come back down by cutting down my alcohol consumption--which I know I'm not technically supposed to enjoy anyway.  I normally don't have more than, say 5 drinks in a week; however, now I am trying to cut back to only 1-2 drinks a week.  So far I've been successful!  Additionally, in the trying to increase the effectiveness of my current Actemra dose, I've been refocusing on my weight loss efforts.  I'm trying to be more aware of what and when I eat, making the choice to be more active throughout the day, and by engaging in the aforementioned workout regimen (courtesy of Fitness Blender) in an attempt to boost my energy level, lower my stress level (sans wine lol), and, of course, lose some weight.  Daniel and Kelli, a husband-wife team of professional trainers, make and share free workout videos.  They also sell workout regimen PDFs organizing their videos according to specific health and fitness goals.  The one that I am following cost about $5 and is a 4 week low-impact workout routine meant for both beginners AND for people with health issues.  Hey look!  I'm both of those lol.  Anyway, they are very big on proper form, listening to your body, and working out according to your individual ability--all of which are attitudes that I would expect and require of in-person personal trainers.  I'm enjoying it so much that I'm going to cancel my gym membership--saving $42 a month--and I'm already seeing results after only a couple of weeks!  Suffice it to say, I'm very pleased with my $5 purchase.

For the immediate future, I'm going to continue to implement these health changes as consistently as I can, and hope that my pissy little liver calms down.  Ideally, I will be able to get on the larger dose of Actemra in the coming months and see even more improvement!  Fingers crossed!

ActemRA

Well, my Remicade is crapping out on me.  It has been slowly losing effectiveness for several months now; however, within the past two months, that process has started to accelerate.  My rheumy let me know that we should start looking at other options back in October, but I just couldn't let go of the hope the it was just a lull in effectiveness.  January and February disabused me of that hope, and March and April have only clarified the need to try something else.  After looking at the options my doctor presented, I'm about to start Actemra this week, provided that all the insurance stuff goes smoothly.  It's an IV infusion, like the Remicade, only much shorter, lasting one hour instead of 3.  It also targets a different part of the immune response (IL-6), and so, hopefully, will have a good chance at succeeding where Remicade has failed.  So, it looks like I will be starting my 4th "big boy" drug--methotrexate, Enbrel, Remicade, and now Actemra.  

I'm scared.  And feel silly for being scared.  It's not like this is my first drug switch, or even my first IV or biologic medication.  The side effects are basically the same as Remicade, with a few new rare ones thrown in, just to keep things interesting.  I seem to be an ideal candidate for success, according to both my independent research and my doctor's opinion.  I guess it's just that whole "fear of the unknown" thing, combined with the fear of failure.  I'm tired of drugs ceasing to work, and it scares the hell out of me that my body seems to burn through them much faster than normal.  Enbrel was supposed to be effective for 5 years--I burned out in 2.5.  People stay on Remicade for 10+ years--I'm switching after a total of less than 4.  Granted, that might be due to going off of it for the pregnancy and then trying to restart it again, so, my bad, I guess lol.  Not something I regret even a little bit, even now that I'm facing another switch.  I would just really like Actemra to work, work well, and work for awhile...and so I'm scared it won't.

The good news is if, worse case, Actemra doesn't work, or stops working, we still have a couple of other options on the table, and more options are being developed on a yearly basis.  Hopefully, the speed of medical advancement will surpass the rate at which my body adjusts to the current drugs.  At some point, I'll probably have to become a guinea pig, so to speak, but I keep holding out hope that day is pretty far in the future.  Kind of like the possibility of ending up in a wheel chair or the reality of a future elbow replacement surgery--I'm planning on putting that shit off as long as possible.  After all, what am I, if not the queen of procrastination? ;-)

Anywho, on the upside, going on Actemra means there's a high likelihood that I will be able to STOP methotrexate all together, and seeing as I wanted off that med even before I started taking it, that's enough of a bright spot to help dispel the encroaching gloom of another failed drug.  So, hooray for Actemra!  Here's hoping you prove my fears to be unfounded, and my particular pain-in-the-ass case of RA to be no match for your medical might!  

And so, my journey with RA continues.  Time to take the next step, and start making phone calls to ensure the bureaucratic paperwork part goes smoothly.  Wish me luck!

Expanding My Craftiness

Exciting news!  I'm not as completely hopeless at making things as I've always believed myself to be!   Lol, seriously though, I'm starting to learn another craft, in addition to knitting.  While knitting is my first love, and I'm definitely keeping busy turning yarn into finished products, I have found another crafting love.  My amazing husband knocked it out of the park with his Christmas 2013 gift to me--a shiny new sewing machine and a class to go along with it!  The class was taught at the local yarn shop by one of my friends, and by the end of it, I had successfully completely a placemat!  Since then, I have also made a lined drawstring toddler backpack for my nephew's first birthday, and helped my friend Julie show a quilt top!  I have a few other things I want to make too, and I'm very excited to have added another craft to my hobby list!  The only downside is that sewing is shaping up to be just as addictive of a hobby as knitting is...I stayed up until 4:30am working on the backpack without realizing it!  While I can definitely stand a little sleep deprivation for the sake of the craft, my wallet just sighs--fabric and yarn are definitely going to eat any discretionary funds I can squeeze out of my budget!  Anyway, here couple of pictures of the drawstring backpack I made!

                                                    

Upcoming Knitting Projects:
MORE baby hats lol
A couple of shawls
Finishing a couple of almost-done and just-started projects
A slouchy hat

Upcoming Sewing Projects:
A drawstring backpack for Caylee
A stuffed dino for Caylee
Possibly starting my first quilt!

Where in the World Does The Time Go?

Hello to anyone out there reading this!  I can' believe my last post was in September, and here we are in April already...and I promised myself I would do a better job at keeping this blog updated!  Oh well, nothing to do but try again, I suppose.

Let's see...I guess I'll start with October.  HI made Caylee's costume this year--she was a zebra!  Unfortunately, we were all sick on Halloween itself, so I just let her run around the house in her costume lol.  November brought the birth of my cousin's second kiddo, a beautiful little girl we'll call R.  That same month, however, also brought the hospitalization of my Papa.  We stayed in town for Thanksgiving, and family came in for Christmas.  Bryan's birthday was a lot of fun--dinner and a movie with some friends.  Papa's surgeries all seemed to go well, and we even got to visit him Christmas Eve with all of my dad's side of the family, minus some of my cousins who were out of state.  New Year's was a pretty laid back affair, and 2014 got started.  We all got sick again, which seemed to be a pattern--Oct, Dec, Jan, and Feb too.  My birthday came and went--dinner with lots of fun folks and realizing that I'm only a year away from 30 lol.  We all hoped that Papa's recovery would continue making progress; however, it did not--he continued to have major set backs, and he finally came to the end of his journey with us.  He passed in the beginning of February; however, Bryan and I and the baby all had a stomach flu the week of the funeral and didn't get to go.  That was very difficult for me, to not be with my family to say our last goodbyes, but at the same time, I know that Papa was already gone, and I like to believe he and my Dee Dee are keeping an eye on those of us still here.  Before I knew it, it was suddenly March.  Caylee and I went to Fredericksburg with my parents to visit my Gan Gan for a week, and had a wonderful time seeing family and enjoying being in the Hill Country.  Now, it's April--well, that got us caught back up fairly quickly!

Caylee is 20 months old today, which I can scarcely believe.  She knows how to count 1-10, can say all of her ABCs, knows how to spell her name verbally, speaks in sentences and phrases, has several books mostly memorized, and doesn't stop moving until she's asleep lol.  She's not quite ready for potty training yet, but I think it won't be much longer before she is--at the very least, she's getting to where she enjoys sitting on the training potty we bought her to read books lol!  Bryan and I are extremely proud of her and constantly amazed at how quickly she learns and grows!  Speaking of proud, I'm sure proud of my hubby as well--he is now working on his Masters degree while working full time and taking care of us!  He's pretty much fantastic :-).  Anyway, that completes the family catch up for now!

Caylee's First Birthday and Other Awesomeness!

I know, I know.  I said I was going to be better about updating this blog.  In my defense, the past two months have been awesomely busy.  Or busily awesome.  I'm not sure which, but both seem to fit.  Let's review the highlights!

August 16 was Caylee's first birthday.  That's right, I am now the mother of a one-year-old!  Since her birthday fell on a Friday, we planned her first birthday party for the next day: Saturday, August 17.  The party theme was sock monkeys and the colors were red and pink.  Caylee's Aunt Julie made her a red and pink tutu to go with her special birthday onesie.  

In my family, the tradition is to invite everybody to the first birthday party.  So that's what we did.  We invited great-grandparents, great uncles and aunts, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and all the cousins driving there from.  And of course we invited our friends that we consider family as well.  When was said and done, the best guess count was that we had 60 people at my house the same time.  Fortunately, the weather was beautiful, so we got to make use of our back porch and pergola.  It was barely controlled chaos, but a complete blast!  That said, I'm glad we only do that for first birthdays lol. 

All in all, the party was a complete success.

The next weekend, Caylee got to spend time with her Ganma and Grandpa while Bryan and I headed for San Antonio!  It was our first "just us" get away since before I was pregnant.  We took advantage of a LivingSocial deal and stayed at a wonderful bed-and-breakfast called the Ogé house.  

We ate from food trucks, went to the zoo and the Riverwalk, had dinner, drinks AND dessert with Gina and Stephen, and took part in San Antonio's Culinaria restaurant week.  It was an amazing weekend, and Bryan and I really enjoyed the chance to be just us for a while.  We love Caylee more than anything, but it was really nice to not be "mama" and "dada" for a couple of days and to, instead, focus on enjoying time as best friends and spouses!

Kaylee had her 12 month check-up the week we got back. According to her doctor, she's the picture of health!  

In September, Bryan's Papa invited us to go to the A&M-Alabama game on the 14th.  Whoop!  We excitedly accepted.  Normally, Caylee would have stayed with my parents; however, they were on their celebratory "We're retired!" trip to Colorado.  Fortunately for us, Caylee's Aunt Alicia offered to watch her for the day.  It was Caylee's first time staying with someone other than my parents for a 12 hour+ period, and I was slightly nervous as to how she would behave. However, my concern was completely unfounded! According to Alicia, Caylee behaved wonderfully and had a wonderful time to boot.

  Bryan and I also had a wonderful time at the game!  Even though the Aggies came up one touchdown short, it was still a very exciting football game and they played very well.  I tend to get very excited during football games, so I was pretty hoarse for the next couple of days!  We were so grateful to Papa for inviting us!  It was definitely the can't-miss game of the season!

At the beginning of September, Bryan also started his first graduate course.  This is definitely required some adjustments to the family schedule, but it is more than worth it!  I am so very proud of him!  That pretty much catches us up on the highlights of the past two months.  

In between the highlights has been our normal day-to-day living. I can't believe I'm the mother of a thirteen month old!  This past year has gone by way too quickly.  That said, I love watching her grow each and every day and love the excitement and proud look in her eye when she makes a new discovery, learns new word, or gains another ability. The newest ability is using the handles on our family desk as handholds to scale the cabinet in order to see the computer.  Her rock-climbing Uncle Austin and Aunt Fanny will be so proud!  

I'll end with a video of her next-to-newest word.  I'm so proud of my munchkin!

Writing Again

As I'm sure most of you have noticed, I have been doing an extremely poor job of keeping up with this blog.  In part, it's because I have a very active 11-month-old.

However, the major reason is that my hands have not been doing well.  Dr. C and I are still trying to get my rheumatoid arthritis in line, which means, of course, that my hands have good and bad days. I try to save my good days for playing with the baby, and so this blog gets neglected.  Fortunately for me, I have an awesome husband! Bryan figured out how to set up the voice dictation software on my computer and bought me a nifty headset that allows me to speak what I want to write!  This saves me a lot of time, effort, and especially saves me a lot of pain in my hands.  Hopefully, this means I will do a better job keeping this blog updated!

Beyond the updating of this blog, I am very excited about another specific opportunity this setup presents.  You see, I have been a writer my entire life.  I have spiral notebooks, folders, computer folders, and even a Trapper Keeper full of story ideas, dating as far back as elementary school.  However, for years, this blog has been my only outlet for that passion.  Why?  The answer is simple: my rheumatoid arthritis has taken away my ability to write or type for any length of time. This blog, with it's short, simple format, is pretty much all I've been able to manage since college. There have been several posts in recent years that have taken me multiple days to complete.  This means that all those half-formed, partially started stories have languished unattended and unfinished for the better part of a decade.  Heck, there are even a few completed stories somewhere in there that need to be edited and fine tuned!  Now, I am not saying that all of these ideas are necessarily good ones; however, amongst the notes, outlines, and half-started stories, there are one or two ideas that I feel truly have potential.  I'm excited that this setup will allow me to revisit these ideas and perhaps turn them into something, even if that "something" is never read by anyone other than myself.  At the very least, it will be a chance to actually finish all of the half-stories floating around inside of my head. It's getting kind of crowded up there lol!

Because it has been years since I last wrote regularly, I'm sure these first few attempts are going to be pretty atrocious.  In the past, the very fact that I might write something horrible would have deterred me from starting to write again; however, at this point in my life I'm excited even about the bad stories I'm going to produce!  Part of that excitement comes from my husband's enthusiastic support and encouragement. He is almost as excited about my starting to write again as I am!  More than that though, by taking my hands out of the equation, I will be able to reconnect with a part of myself that I had feared lost, and re-employ a skill set that I thought my rheumatoid arthritis had rendered inaccessible.  It is yet another way to refuse to allow my chronic illness to define, limit, and control my life.  And who knows? Perhaps someday I will craft a story worthy of actually being read by someone else!

And if not, at the very least, this setup will allow me to both write and save my hands for making wonderful memories with my daughter, and, of course, for knitting!

(JIP: Jackalope In Progress!)

Where I Stand: Marriage Equality

As I'm sure everyone who hasn't been living under a rock knows, the United States Supreme Court struck down Section 2 of the Defense Of Marriage Act (DOMA) this week.  Section 2 prevented same-sex couples whose marriages are legally recognized by the state in which they live from receiving the same federal protections and benefits as heterosexual married couples.  Unfortunately, Section 3--the section that allows state governments to make same-sex marriage illegal AND to not legally recognize such marriages performed in states that have legalized same-sex marriage--still stands.

Unfortunately? you may ask.  Yes, unfortunately.  I am completely, whole-heartedly, and enthusiastically in favor of gay marriage, or as I feel is the more accurate term, marriage equality.  After discussing this topic extensively with friends and family, I've compiled a list of the more common objections I have heard, along with my responses to those objections.  I'll start with what I deem the most common objections, give my response, and move on from there.

OBJECTION 1:  The Bible declares homosexuality to be a sin and immoral; therefore, homosexuals shouldn't be legally allowed to marry.

MY RESPONSE

Yes, Leviticus 20:13 condemns homosexuality.  That said, the Bible condemns a lot of things regarding marriage and sexual behavior that are legal and accepted today. To flesh out one example, Jesus condemns divorce--"that which God has joined together let noone put asunder" (MARK 10:8) and goes on to say that remarriage is the equivalent of adultery (MARK 10:11-12). The Old Testament condemns adultery and the punishment is death (LEVITICUS 20:10). Heck, even if you leave the New Testament definitions that Jesus himself gave out of it, regular old adultery is still punishable by death. So, going by Biblical definitions and principles, anyone who has had/participated in an affair, or who has divorced and remarried, should be executed.  However, in our society, adultery, divorce and remarriage are perfectly legal. Why? Because our legal system was not created to be a religious legal system. It's purpose is to maintain the functionality of our society, create equality between all of our citizens and protect our rights to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." You have every right to disagree with the lifestyles and choices of others based on your religious morality, and to live according to your religious beliefs; however, no one has the right to force others to live by their personal religious code. That's the problem I see with the current moral arguments against legalizing homosexual marriage--the arguments against it are ALL based on the religious belief that being gay is wrong. Laws should not uphold the religious beliefs of one group at the expense of the rights of another.

Another point that bothers me about this objection is that it is primarily Christians bringing up Leviticus to condemn homosexuality.  As far as the Bible goes, the verses that specifically condemn homosexuality are found in the Old Testament as part of the Levitical Law under the covenant between God and the people of Israel.  As I've mentioned, this same law condemned many practices that are legal today--divorce, adultery, men cutting their hair, eating pork, etc.  The problem with employing Old Testament law as a Christian is that the old covenant was theologically done away with by the establishment of the New Covenant, which was salvation through grace rather than adherence to the law.  Furthermore, the only commandments given by Jesus in the New Testament are to 1) Love your God with all your heart and soul, and 2) Love your neighbor as yourself.  If someone claims to be a Christian, then there is a fundamental theological and logical flaw in trying to deny their fellow man/woman the same rights that he or she expects to receive themselves.  

OBJECTION 2:  Across religions and cultures, the historical definition of marriage has always been between a man and a woman, and we should keep it that way.

MY RESPONSE:

Ummm....no.  Lol.  Our current definition of marriage is, historically and anthropologically, extremely new.  The definition in the U.S. is one man, one woman who both consent to enter into the union willingly.  It hasn't even been 200 years since polygamy was outlawed in the United States.  Also, it wasn't that long ago that a father could marry his daughter off to whomever he pleased...and this still goes on in other cultures, India for example. And the fact that polygamy is outlawed really only applies to western cultures! In many muslim countries, polygamy still legally exists today. Buddhism, Islam and Judaism are some current religions that allow polygamy. The only reason Judaism no long practices is because of the Western cultures in which most adherents live. Heck, even in Hong Kong...which is about as "western" as China gets...didn't ban polygamy until the 1970s. The general polygamy ban in most countries had nothing to do with religious or ethical definitions, and everything to do with 1) sucking up to western powers and, most importantly, 2) allowing the governments to not have to financially support families with multiple wives and the resulting kiddos.  The definition of marriage changes with the era and situation in society, and always has.

OBJECTION 3:  Homosexuality is either a 1) a choice or 2) a choice that is similar to profession--genetic tendencies brought out by environmental factors (i.e., upbringing), and because it's a choice, it shouldn't get legal recognition or protection.

MY RESPONSE:

  In response to the claim that homosexuality is a choice, I offer this:  if individuals choose to be homosexual, then being heterosexual must also be a choice.  In other words, Bob made the choice to be sexually attracted to his wife Sally, as opposed to his friend Bill.  If this is true, and Bob receives legal protection and rights for choosing to be attracted to Sally, why shouldn't those same protections and rights be applied had he chosen Bill?  This smacks of legal favoritism, not legal equality.

Furthermore, the vast majority of the latest research and studies show that homosexuality (and sexuality in general) is indeed genetically influenced.  That said, the genetic argument is a dangerous one to employ, mostly because we know so very, very little about genetic predisposition and it's interaction with nurture. For example, I was genetically predisposed to RA. We have no idea why it manifested in me, only that it did.  So, should my employer or insurance carrier be able to deny me benefits because something in my environment that was beyond my control triggered my genetic predisposition? That's basically what the second argument states--that something happened in the lives of homosexuals that they had no control over, and because this something triggered their genetic predisposition, we should deny them the same rights and privileges under the law as a heterosexual person, who, by the way, had just as little control over their orientation.  Again, this is playing legal favoritism, not pursing legal equality. 

 (Disclaimer: I'm not equating homosexuality to a disease, merely extending the genetic predisposition-trigger argument).

On a side note, the comparison between having genetic predisposition to a talent and then choosing a career based on that talent, and the genetic predisposition towards sexuality is categorically flawed.  Having a predisposition to a talent does not, in fact, mean you'll be at all good at it. That relies on nurturing that talent. For example, my mom is great at math and I suck lol. Am I genetically predisposed? Absolutely. But I didn't nurture the talent. And no one knows where my language abilities came from, but because I nurtured that talent, I pick up languages fairly easily with time and studying. Speaking of time and studying, to enter a profession, you have to be systematically educated and develop specific skills over a period of years to become an engineer. Or a musician. Or a teacher. All things left equal, you would not enter any profession at all, but sexual desire and attraction is not a voluntary response that is the product of years of study and education--it is an complex, mostly unconscious response when the change of puberty starts.

OBJECTION 4:  We already have legal definitions for marriage and changing them for "special interest" groups is a slippery slope.  We have to draw a line somewhere--if we legalize gay marriage, what's next?  Animals? Machines?

MY RESPONSE: 

We've already changed the definition of marriage to include groups that were previously excluded, specifically interracial couples. And while there are some civic protections that come along with marriage, the majority of the legality surrounding marriage actually deals with legal benefits and advantages that the government allows married people. Also, we've already changed laws to apply to special interest groups--like disabled individuals--and adapted laws for others--the opt out of the birth control mandate for religious organizations--so why is this different? Not to mention all of the legal changes made in favor of civil rights!  If we didn't allow the law to change when we find it lacking, we would stagnate and rot as a society, and I would still be unable to vote, drive, or get a college education.

The second part of this objection always makes me chuckle in disbelief. "If we allow the gays to marry what next? People marrying their pets?"  I guess people are just oblivious to the fact that they are comparing an consensual relationship between two committed, rational human beings to a man/woman screwing a non-rational critter, right? Marrying animals and inanimate objects is illegal for the same reason as child brides in this country. There has to be a level of rational and informed consent when entering into the legal state of marriage. Animals and toasters are neither rational nor capable of being informed, nor capable of giving consent, so this argument is just a silly attempt at fear-mongering.

OBJECTION 5:  Legalizing same-sex marriage opens us up to all sorts of fraud, and will bankrupt the country.

MY RESPONSE:

The risk for fraud already exists in our current system. This objection assumes that a male and female who are friends/coworkers/etc. wouldn't get married just for the benefits. Or, heck, that there aren't homosexual men marrying homosexual women strictly for the legal benefits now. Any governmental institution is going to be at risk for fraud. Allowing homosexual marriage allows for an honest union between two committed adults of the same sex, and allows them access to the legal protections and benefits that such a committed union deserves. And I don't for a minute buy that homosexuals receiving marriage benefits would bankrupt the country--they pay into pensions, healthcare, social security, medicare, insurance, and everything else just like heterosexuals do. At this point, they are paying in but then being denied access to the very institutions their money funds. It's one thing for people who choose to remain single to not reap the legal benefits of marriage; it's another thing entirely to deny people who want to get married the benefits that their money supports that come along with marriage.

So, that's pretty much where I stand on marriage equality and a good bit of why.  The rest of the why involves my friends from high school and college who are homosexual.  They want the same thing I wanted from a relationship--to find the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, get married, and possibly start a family.  Because I am heterosexual, I was able to fulfill that desire and marry the love of my life with whom I am raising a wonderful little girl.  My friends deserve no less than the legal opportunity to do the same.  I have high hopes that the day is quickly approaching that we recognize that we cannot continue to claim to be a country based on principles of justice and equality while denying legal rights to a portion of our population.  It's way past time for equality under the law.

Oh The Month of May

This month has been insanely busy.  I'm glad that I posted our April update earlier in the month; otherwise, it might never have been written!  That said, it's been a month filled with fun, family and friends, and I sure can't complain about that!

The beginning of the month saw me frantically menu planning.  Yes, I've finally gotten back into the habit I started with my Menu Planning Monday posts!  However, now it's more like Menu Planning for the Month.  Thanks to Pinterest and Weight Watchers, I've found tons of really good recipes that I can prepare ahead of time, freeze, and finish cooking later!  What this translates into is two or three days of intense food prep at the beginning of each month, followed by weeks of thaw, cook, eat, repeat!  While labor-intensive at the beginning, it sure does pay off in time saved every evening, giving me more time to spend with the hubby and Caylee!

On May 7th, Julie and I took our girls on their first zoo trip!  I know they saw the animals--the monkeys and the anteater in particular caught their attention--but Caylee at least seemed more interested in watching the people watching the animals.  Julie and I had an absolute blast, and we're definitely going to make a return trip with the girls...though we might wait a few months.  Why?  Because summer has officially returned to the Texas coast, and we're in no hurry to sweat through our clothes and have our babies overheat lol.

May 11th we threw a beginning of summer/Lindsay's bday/successful thesis defense grill out here at the house.  It was a blast!  Ben and Lindsay came, of course, as did Julie, Ethan and Lucy.  Jake and Alicia also came, with baby James!  He's such a cutie, and getting so big!  He was just short of a month old, and a day short of his original due date--Mother's Day!  We had an absolute blast hanging out, catching up, and watching Caylee and Lucy play!  

The next day was Mother's day.  That morning we Skyped with Bryan's mom and Granny Jo.  Caylee enjoyed seeing them on the TV screen too.  That afternoon, we had a houseful of people again!  My parents, Austin and Fanny (who are engaged!  YAY!) and Fanny's mom, my Nannie and Papa, and our cousins Chris and Melissa and their twins Corbin and Eliana all came down.  We grilled, again, and had a wonderful time together.  We all exchanged Mother's Day gifts and watched the kids play together.  I must say, Bryan did an amazing job for my first Mother's Day...I only hope he loves his Father's Day gift as much!

May 16th was Bryan and my 5th wedding anniversary!  I can't believe we've been married 5 years!  We ordered in Mexican food from Chuy's, drank his homebrew beer (a delicious chocolate boch and a grand cru), and he made some wonderful after-dinner margaritas!  We also watched our wedding video and reminisced about our incredible wedding day.  Caylee watched the video with us, and it was hilarious to see how excited she got when my mom and dad appeared on the screen during the interview segment!  And he got me the coolest gifts ever!

The next day was my mom's retirement party in Spring, and we headed up to celebrate with her!  They kept Caylee for us that night, and we went out dancing with Ethan and Julie!  And realized how rusty at dancing we actually are lol.  Might need to work on that!  The next morning we headed back up to Spring to get Caylee-bear, and hung out with my Gan Gan, Aunts Amy and Candy, Eleanor, and Jenna Kay!  My cousin Brooke had left for Ireland that morning, but she's going to come stay with us when she gets back!

The 16th was also Caylee's 9 month mark!  She now babbles and says bababa, mamama, and esss.  She's doing amazingly with finger foods--her favorites are peas and macaroni and cheese!  I find the peas part funny because she used to try to spit out pureed peas so hard she would gag herself!  Apparently it was a texture issue!  She is practicing free standing more and more, and will walk holding onto someone's fingers.  She occasionally dances to music, and is absolutely fearless!  She climbs on anything and everything--including couches, tables, chairs, stairs AND baby gates lol.  We have to keep an eye on her, that's for sure!  She's also very tough though, and bumps and bruises don't phase her a bit!  Her 9 month check up was yesterday, and the doc says she looks great!  She weighed in at 20 pounds 10 ounces (90th percentile) and was 28.5 inches tall (95th percentile)!

This past Monday, Julie and I also took the girls to a baby time at a local library.  We sang songs--which Caylee didn't care about--and the librarian read a story--which she did--and played with rattles and scarves and a big ball!  Caylee was the only one to hit the ball back to the librarian, but Lucy did a great job of catching the ball when it rolled to her!  They also had free play time at the end.  Lucy stayed closer to Julie, but Caylee basically said "Bye Mom!" and took off to play with the other kiddos!   Of course, she came back several times to check in and play with her bestie Lucy!

We are so proud of our baby girl!  Today we had another mini session at Kat's Photography and this weekend she's staying with her Grandpa and Ganma!  Bryan and I are going to celebrate our anniversary without little bit!  We're going out to a surprise (to me) dinner location tonight, and then seeing a play at the Alley theater downtown!  This weekend, we're also planning on seeing Iron Man 3 and Star Trek: Into Darkness, as well as any other new releases that catch our fancy!  We want to go to a new beer spot, and work on some projects around the house, and generally enjoy some us time.  I'm very excited!

Caylee's Catch Up

Well, I completely missed posting in April didn't I?  Whoops!  Here's the summary:  

Caylee had a wonderful first Easter, getting to see a lot of her family and got to go on scooter rides with her Papa!

She also got to spend some wonderful quality time with her Gan Gan when she came down for a visit!

Ganma took pictures of her in the bluebonnets!

Caylee got to experience her first NASA Chili Cook-Off, even if we adults enjoyed it more than she did lol.

She helped me decorate her Aunt Alicia and Uncle Jake's house in celebration of baby James' arrival, though she didn't get to meet him until May.

She had her first play date with her yarn shop friend, Miss Juliana, who is 4 days older than Caylee!  They had a blast!

Her cousin Max celebrated his 4th birthday, and Caylee loved getting to play with him and Grandpa in the bouncy house!  She also got to meet Casey and be down in the grass for the first time--my cousins don't have dogs, ergo no dog poop!  She wasn't so sure about grass lol.

And, of course, she celebrated her 8 month birthday!  I can't believe she's getting so big!

All in all, April was another wonderful month for our Caylee-bear!  We sure love her more than anything, and I sure do feel blessed and love being her mama!

10 Year Reunion

This past Saturday was my 10 year high school reunion.  I'm still trying to figure out how the hell ten years went by so quickly!  That said, it was still a ton of fun!  While Facebook has allowed me to keep in internet touch with many of my classmates, the two I've stayed closest with in real life are Kim and Victoria.  The three of us made plans 6 months ago for them to come into town for the reunion--and of course, we were taking our hubbies too!  Even if they weren't as excited as the three of us lol.

In the days before the reunion, as I was playing with Caylee and cleaning house, I was thinking about the Kristen of ten years ago.  It's safe to say that quite a bit has changed!  I've been told I'm still as upbeat and smiley as ever, and I'd like to think that's true.  I'd like to think that I still try to treat people with the same friendliness and acceptance as I did ten years ago.  That said, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin now, even than I was as a high school senior.  My beliefs have changed quite a bit, through an interesting and sometimes mentally exhausting journey.  Dealing with chronic illness has changed many of my assumptions of the way my life would go, but I've learned a new appreciation for every experience I've had and for every ability I still possess.  My tolerance for manipulative and catty people is so much lower than it was--or maybe it's just that I'm better at recognizing that behavior in others and avoiding including them in my life.  It was an interesting internal reflection, and it was entertaining, retracing my steps during the last ten years and seeing how they've led me to today.

Anyway, on Saturday the six of us loaded up and headed to Live!@BayouPlace and had an absolute blast!  It was a great venue--lots of space and good music from our high school days and today--and the food was catered by Chuy's!  Our tickets got us two free drinks a piece (^_^)  and there was also a photo booth AND a green screen photo room!

It was wonderful, and yet surreal, seeing everyone again.  With a few exceptions, we all look pretty much the same, with only slight differences.  I saw Danielle, a friend whom I've known since kindergarten, but haven't actually seen in ten years.  We had a blast together for most of the night.  She is still such a sweet, bubbly person--it's good to know that some things never change.

I got to catch up with friends who meant so much to me during my high school tenure, and heck, some that I've known since the elementary years.  It was even fun seeing folks with whom I  wasn't particularly close.  I learned so much from all of them: lessons about friendship, accepting people for who they are, and how to weather less than ideal social interactions.  From a couple in particular, I learned lessons about relationships and caring for someone else.  Those lessons enabled me to recognize how unique my relationship was with Bryan when we started dating, and to realize that he was the man I wanted to marry.  Most of all, though, though all of those relationships and interactions, I learned to accept myself for who I am.  It was good to see and hear that all of them are doing well and seem to be very happy in their lives!  I just wish that I'd have had a little more time to catch up with some of them...hopefully it won't take us another 10 years to find another opportunity!

Caylee is 7 Months Old!

March 16, 2013 our little girl turned 7 months old!

I can't believe it's been seven months already since her arrival.  Even more than that, I can't believe how fast she's growing and how much she's learning and developing each and every day!

As a six month old, Caylee:

Continues to play pee-pie-boo...she started this about a week before her six month mark.

Continued taking practice baby steps while we held her hands to keep her up and help her balance.

Mastered her sippy cup.

Cut her two bottom front teeth--at the same time.

Started sitting up all on her own.

Went from scooting backward, to scooting forward, to full out crawling.

Started crawling over obstacles--like mommy's legs--and chasing her Annabelle puppy around the living room and under the coffee table.

Started pulling herself into standing position without assistance, the same week she started crawling.

On her 7 month birthday, she pulled herself up using her hippo walker and let go and balanced for a few seconds.  Also, she took several steps holding on to/pushing her hippo walker...and promptly fell down lol.  I have a feeling she's going to be walking on her own before we know it!

Today, she pulled herself up into standing position in her crib!  Thankfully, when she came home from her Spring Break visit to my parents' house (where she started full out crawling and pulling up), my dad lowered her mattress.  Otherwise, she probably would have taken a nose dive.  Her other favorite pull up spot is the breakfast table chair.  Today she finally stood all the way straight up using the chair for balance.  

This month, Caylee also had her first Easter photo shoot with Carina and celebrated her first St. Patrick's Day by "helping" daddy brew beer!

We are so proud of our Caylee-bear and are having a ball watching her learn and grow and experience the world around her!

Spring Break!

OK, so technically, since I no longer teach or attend school, I no longer have a Spring Break.  Now that I'm a full time mom, I look at it as every week is Spring Break!  Which, ironically, means none of them are lol.  But this year, I actually did get a break that coincided with Spring Break!

To start off with, we were all in various stages of sick around here.  A few weeks ago, my parents kept Caylee.  Unfortunately, without knowing it, mom had a really bad cold during this time--she just thought it was her normal seasonal allergies.  Well, no such luck.  Thankfully, Caylee's version wasn't as severe as my mom's, but she decided to share with us too.  Bryan was actually pretty sick, and I didn't feel well at all.

Originally, the plan for Spring Break was for Bryan to go with Ethan on their motorcycle trip to North Carolina, and for little bit and I to load up with my mom and head to Fredericksburg to see my Gan Gan.  Bryan, of course, still went on his trip lol.  With the baby and mom still getting over being sick, and me smack dab in the middle, we decided to cancel our hill country run.  However, mom and dad offered to keep Caylee until Wednesday anyway because 1) I was still sick and 2) they pretty much adore their granddaughter :-).  Bryan headed out Saturday morning and mom and dad came and got Caylee Saturday afternoon/evening.  All of which meant...

I WAS COMPLETELY ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE BEFORE I WAS PREGNANT!!!!!!

It was absolutely wonderful!  I got to just be sick for a few days, which, as any mom knows, is just not feasible when the hubby and the kiddo are sick at the same time as you.  When everyone is sick, mama can't be...even when she is.

Once I was feeling better, I ran some errands and worked on some projects that I hadn't had a chance to accomplish with Caylee-bear in tow.  I went to Hobby Lobby and made progress on decorating our bedroom.  I watched a LOT of anime--52 episodes to be precise--and got a lot of knitting done at the same time!  I didn't go to bed until at least midnight every night.  I also didn't get up before 9 at all :-).  One particular night, I was so engrossed in the anime that I was watching, and so determined to finish the hat I was knitting, that by the time the end to both came, I realized it was 5 AM!  Needless to say, I wasn't up before noon the following morning.  That type of schedule has always been my preference, but obviously Caylee's schedule takes priority now.

Of course, I did miss my munchkin and my hubby.  I FaceTimed with Bryan a couple of times, and with Caylee and my parents every day.  Good thing too, because during one of our FaceTime chats, Caylee crawled for the first time!  She crawled right over to me (well, my face on the phone)!  She also showed off her pulling up skills, using Grandpa for a ladder.

That said, it was pretty wonderful to only have to take care of myself for a few days.  I did an amazing job staying on plan for Weight Watchers, and ate their frozen dinners instead of cooking.  I decided I wanted to run an errand, and left the house in under two minutes.  I was able to get all of my chores done and still have time to read, watch TV and knit.  It was a true break.

That said, I was really glad to have Caylee-bear back Wednesday night.  I had missed her sweet smiles and snuggles.  Bryan made it home late Thursday night, which was wonderful.  We put Caylee to bed together and then I got to hear all about his trip.  Friday we just relaxed around the house.

Saturday, Bryanne-Michelle came down and she and I went out to a girls' lunch while Bryan and Caylee had some daddy-daughter time.  Then we all hung out at the house that evening, eating Dominoes pizza, drinking margaritas, and watching TV.  Yep, we're a wild bunch lol.
Sunday was Bryan's yard work day, while Caylee and I relaxed in the house.

All in all, it was a wonderful Spring Break that combined good friends, family time, and a true BREAK for this mama!