Silly RA

This is more a vent than anything else.  You have been warned lol.

Let me preface this by saying that I am very happy and thankful to be off all of my meds so that Bryan and I can try to make a baby!  I'm also grateful to be able to stay home on disability so my disease progression slows down and to be doing as well as I am being off all of the drugs.

BUT I am sick and tired of this damn disease!  Specifically, I'm tired of the gradual increase in activity I'm detecting in my disease.  My morning stiffness is gradually increasing.  When I first went off my drugs, my morning stiffness was only about 10-20 minutes.  Now, it's up to at least 45 minutes pretty much every morning.  That is SO FRUSTRATING!!!

On top of that, I'm achy during the day more and I've been flaring more regularly.  Last week I had a flare that lasted TWO WHOLE DAYS!  I haven't had more than one or two of those since I've quit teaching, which is awesome, but then today I wake up and I'm achy and hurting again.  Of course, today I said "Screw it" and went to water aerobics anyway.  I was hoping it would help--and to some extent, it did!  The stiffness got a bit better and my mood got a bit better--but I could still only do the exercises at about half intensity.  On top of all that, the fatigue is getting worse.  Granted, it's been back for a while now, but I'm noticing a steady increase in the amount of fatigue that I feel every day.  

Normally, I do my best to not think about all of that.  After all, staying positive and focusing on all the good things happening is the best way to deal!  But today I'm super-achy and tired and all of it's really caught up with me, which, of course, means I'm sitting around thinking about all the signs of increased disease activity, which leads me to want to be in remission (which has only happened once), which makes me want to hurry up and get pregnant, which makes me kinda bummed that I'm not, which gets me in a less-than-happy mood, which frustrates me because I LIKE being happy!  

HAPPY DAMNIT!

Sigh.  Anyway, it's time to get out of this funk!  To that end, I'm going to watch some more episodes of Shuffle! and then I'll tape off the dining room and prep for painting it.  Other than that I'm going to work on my current knitting project and maybe finish my friend's surprise scarf by the end of the day!