Not Me! Monday and the Back to School Blues

"Not Me!" Monday is a blog ring started by MckMama!  It's a ton of fun!  I found it through Arena, over at The Nerd's Wife.  It's so much fun to share all the things I have *not* been doing, and read what everyone else has *not* been up to as well!  Fair warning, the end of this post might drift into a bit of a serious mode.

First of all, it most certainly has NOT been two weeks since I participated in NOT ME! Monday!  I did NOT miss getting to unload all of the slighly silly, varyingly irresponsible, and downright sappy things that I did NOT do.  NOT ME!

Live is NOT about to get insanely busy.  

This Saturday, I am NOT hosting a bridal shower for my best friend Victoria.  

She is NOT more like a sister than a best friend, and I have NOT been giddily planning this shower for months.  

I do NOT want everything to be absolutely perfect.  

 I would never get giddy over planning a party and would never ignore the common sense that says nothing ever goes 100% perfectly.  

NOT ME!

In preparation for said shower, I did NOT spend about 20 minutes this morning brainstorming everything that needs to be done this week before the out of town guests arrive on Friday.  

I did NOT then break things down into daily chore lists. 

 And I am NOT currently ignoring today's list to write this post.  

 I would never take the trouble to extensively organize a to-do list, just to ignore it.  

NOT ME!

I also did NOT have a frantically bad dream about being an unprepared MOH and bridesmaid last night that incorporated BOTH of the weddings I'm standing in in October.  

 Said dream did NOT involve me sitting in a pew in a T-shirt, jeans and flip-flops, watching the beginning of the ceremony only to NOT realize that I had to go get ready.  

A frantic running around changing into my dress without taking off my T-shirt did NOT ensure.  

 I would never have anxiety dreams about my friends' weddings when I didn't have any over my own.  

NOT ME!

The other thing I am NOT doing today is putting off getting bloodwork done.  

Why do I NOT need blood work?  Because my CPK (muscle enzyme) was NOT elevated into the 4000s on Thursday (normal is 250).  

It had NOT fallen into the 2000s on Friday (still really elevated).  

And I am most certainly NOT trying to wrangle the doctor's permission to go tomorrow instead of today. 

I would never be lazy enough to put off potentially extremely important and necessary blood work.  

NOT ME! 

Speaking of health, I am NOT seriously stressed out and partially terrified about going back to school.

It's not the kids (no, really it's not).

I am NOT worried that, with the reintroduction of the stress of teaching, that I am going to start flaring again.

I am NOT terrified that, due to my medication, I will be continually sick.

I would never let something that has not happened yet stress me out and terrify me right now.

NOT ME!

To explain why I am NOT stressed and afraid:  

I did NOT spend the majority of last school year both in pain --to the point where my students did NOT offer to get me a wheelchair, my principal did NOT tell me I need a Rascal for bad days, and one student did NOT offer to buy me a cane.

I was NOT sick as a dog the majority of the year as well--I definitely did NOT have bouts with the Swine Flu, two rounds of Bronchitis, a stomach bug, two or three throat infections, and others I have NOT even stopped trying to remember.

I do NOT have bright, sunlit, specific memories of the very few days when I pain-free, well, and had energy.

I am NOT questioning whether I can make it through another such year. 

I would never doubt my strength of will and stamina.

NOT ME!

It did not (again, seriously not)  make me feel better that my doctor, after I raised my school year concerns, asked what my husband did for a living, and pointed out that the time might soon come that I, medically, have to stay home.

To clarify, I did NOT incredibly enjoy the last two months as a SAHW.

I was NOT healthy the entire time, and did NOT only have two flares.

I do NOT desperately want to continue in that role.

 That said, I am NOT upset with the idea of becoming a SAHW for medical reasons.

I have NOT always considered myself stronger and tougher than that.

I do NOT hate potentially being humbled by this disease yet again.

That said, I would never stand by my pride and refuse to do what I have to do to preserve my health.

Dammit, NOT ME!

Even if I truly do NOT hate it.

Ok, enough serious stuff.  

I am NOT going to go fix myself a sandwich and a big glass of water (doc's orders that I'm NOT actually following). 
I will NOT put on a chick flick and work on my chore list.  I will NOT pleasantly contemplate picking out wedding photos with my husband for our album and helping him hang peg board in the garage tonight.  

I will NOT pretend that my gig as a SAHW is ongoing and nowhere near and ending point.

I would never ignore the unpleasant truth that school starts next week and at that point I NOT have to face both reality and my fears.

NOT ME!